The March of Progress: Springtober 2006


Space Flats, FL– Scenticians at the National Aerospace Science Association (NASA) announced the discovery of the Solar System’s third planet; still officially known as ISB0306A. The third planet is actually one-half of a binary planet system which it shares with a smaller, less-interesting, crater-covered body. Located exactly one AU from the Sun, ISB0306A is the fifth largest body in the Solar System and by far the most dense. Most remarkably, ISB0306A, situated between the orbits of Mars and Venus, inhabits what is known as the “goldilocks zone,” named for the goldilocks groundhog, which is also warm and hospitable.

Though the atmosphere is composed primarily of nitrogen, a large amount of free oxygen is also present. This has excited Astronomers who speculate that ISB0306A most likely has surface conditions ideal for life. This is indeed remarkable considering that the silicate-heavy planet is still violently tectonically active.

“Yes, this planet has rivers of molten rock, but it also has vast oceans of liquid water; in fact the amount of O2 there strongly hints that we may be looking at a planet with abundant life,” stated NASA project leader Kilroy Addams.

ISB0306A’s strong magnetic field seems to indicate a highly active iron core; only Jupiter has a stronger magnetic field. By far the strangest anomaly is the presence of what have been dubbed “fireflies.” The fireflies appear only on the night side of the planet; they are large splotches of sparkling light that may be caused by radioactive rocks, volcanism or even large colonies of bioluminescent life.

“ISB0306A is probably the most interesting body we’ve yet discovered in the Solar System. If there is life anywhere around the Sun, we’re most likely going to find it there. We have years of study ahead, and they look to be exciting ones.” Possible names for ISB0306A have already been proposed and include the Greek Geo, the Latin Terra or the Old English Earth.

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