Louis Tolwind Meyerson (1898 – 1967) – Louie Legs to his friends, Meyerson was only the second man to become a naturalized citizen of Canolia and the first man to weatherproof the interior of a home. This was a necessity as a result of Louie Legs’ inveterate pursuit of indoor cloud-seeding experiments. Also as a result he created his only useful contribution to society: 100% fire proofing, which protected his house from numerous lightning strikes.
Q. Eric Johnson (1948 – 2006) – Tall and ruddy, with dark sandy hair and all limbs intact, Q. Eric started his life as a middle class child growing up in suburban Mitchell, Elizabethia. Upon graduation from Muni-Tech College in 1968, he took on what would be the first of many managerial positions with Bangers ‘n’ Mash, the multinational English-themed fast food chain. A lifelong bachelor, Q. Eric died in his sleep on January 12, 2006.
Anna Peterson (1843) – Anna enjoyed breastfeeding and drooling, yet only occasionally laughed. Her most favored possession was a blue quilted blanket stitched together by her grandmother. She never learned to walk.
Maximus Felix Quintus Lotho (67 – 20 BC) – Quintus became famous for running around the entire circumference of Rome, as well as several cities in Gaul, Armenia and Pontus. He was granted the right to wear shoes within them temple of Jupiter and to ogle the ankles of the Vestal Virgins. His honor was taken away from him later in life, when he continued his practice of running; this time away from a force of outnumbering Parthians. His last words were reportedly “does anyone else smell eggs?”
Josh Rhodes (1982 – ) – Rhodes is the son of Joe Rhodes, Jr. and Melanie Rhodes of Peoria, Illinois. He currently lives in a home owned by his parents only two blocks from the house of his childhood. He received his G.E.D. in 2004 and hopes to be attending a local community college by the end of next year. He is the last descendant of Adam, having been made sterile at some point in his mid-teens.
Chin Pei-Lo (705 – 763) – Pei-Lo was the only comedian to arise between the consolidation of the Chinese empire and 1740. He brought such innovations to the culture as humor, the punch line, the knock knock joke and possibly invented a bit similar to the traditional Western chicken crossing a road joke. He was fond of costuming and wore overlarge sandals and painted his nose purple, which may have been a forerunner to the Medieval court jester and the modern clown. His attempt at creating the equivalent of the modern, roast-style drubbing of a celebrity ended in his death at the hands of Guo Ziyi.
Andrew Brendon (1965 – ) – Amateur playwright and professional dentist. Brendon has drilled over 67,000 teeth, filled 4,459,302 cavities, and performed over six cleanings.
Kalivny Artatoff, Grand Duke of Mostravnica (1657 – 1710) – Artatoff was the first and only Grand Duke of Motravnica. His peerage was created by circumstance when the area around him was left depopulated by war. As the only person within 5000 square miles, Artatoff took upon himself the title of Grand Duke. His position was solidified when a passing Count, hungry, tired and exasperated by Artatoff’s protestations of nobility, finally acknowledged him as Grand Duke in order to procure a small block of cheese and some hard bread.
Margaret P. Raparjee (1912 – 1997) – Raparjee was the inventor of a device using a sonic method to nullify the mating vocalizations of house cats. A native of Mumbai, Raparjee wed Rikatarni Bhavghatanasmawalan Raparjee in 1924. Rikatarni died in a ladder accident in 1930 and Margaret mourned his loss. In order to calm herself, she began raising cats. At one time she owned over 500 and had mechanized her estate to take care of the small felines. She eventually became so irritated by the animals’ annoying mating habits that she created the wondrous device in use to this day.
Melvin James Calpurnia Pickle (1779 – 1830) – Pickle was a traveling hog salesman in the upper Ohio River Valley and wished to compete with the ever-popular Johnny Appleseed. Unfortunately, his wares were not as easily transported as seeds, could not be made into liquor and required much more upkeep than an apple tree. Additionally, he was unable to come up with a successfully marketable nickname to help spread his reputation. It is assumed he died of heart disease resulting from his obesity, directly caused by his habit of finishing off his pork products before they spoiled. His brother Henry Pickle (known as Henry Hogmeat), was much more successful with the pigs willed to him by his brother.
Thlikno the Pygmy (c. 1870 – 1906) – How Thlikno arrived in the New World is unknown. However, the failure of Talpert’s Mexican Wonder Circus can be laid directly at Thlikno’s feet. Talpert, the world’s foremost circular enclosure with tented covering entertainment failure, promoted Thlikno as the world’s smallest man. Talpert did not take into account that his target audience, rural laborers in the southern Mexican states, were only a few inches taller than Thlikno and thus were not impressed. The pygmy was also the only exhibit in the circus. Thlinko was killed in a riot of patrons who wanted their money back and Talpert decided to call it quits.
Genie Wilson (1992 – ) – Genie is the vice-president of her middle school’s student council, assistant editor of the school newspaper, editor of the Tapestry literary magazine, junior varsity co-captain of the cheerleading squad, and third in her class. Last summer over 60 people signed her annual.
William Tyndale (1494-1536) –Born in North Nibley, in England, Tyndale was the first to translate the Scriptures into the English language. Author of many religious works, including Enchiridion Militis Christian, Tyndale was eventually murdered by vengeful Catholics.
Mary Fenchurch (1823-1899) -A contemporary of Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Fenchurch would have been a more pivitol player in the early feminist movement and the Seneca Falls Convention if she hadn’t been such a drunk.
Lucy Knighted-Thoroughbred (1976-) At age seven Lucy broke the Guinness world record for holding a séance on a trampoline. She communicated with the spirit of Mark Twain (Samuel Longhorn Clemens) for over sixty two hours while jumping on a trampoline in the Indianapolis civics center. Later in life she got a degree in Art History from the University of Georgia in Athens and now works as a gallery events coordinator in Cleveland, Ohio. Her husband Jeff and daughter Clementine often accompany her on camping trips and other excursions.
God (?-?) –God, creator of the universe, always is and always will be.