Written Correspondences from Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof.

Dear Mr. Rosen,
Thank you for your kind message during this joyous holiday season. I am humbled and honored to lead a proud Nation. Through courage, compassion, and strength, Americans are demonstrating the character of our country.
As we celebrate, I encourage our citizens to give thanks for our blessings and to pray for our men and women in uniform and their families.
Laura and I send our best wishes for happy holidays with family and friends. May God bless you, and my God continue to bless America.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush

To the Editors,
I have never had an orgasm. That is, I had never had an orgasm until I read about how to have a dog birthday party in issue 9 (How to Do It, Volume 456-BR7, Issue 09). I mean, how bloody useful is that? Studies show that 201 million Americans have a dog with a birthday and you’ve just done all of them a big, big favor. Statistics also show that 173,001,0012 Americans own a sponge with a naming day, so I hope to see an article on how to throw a party for that in a future.
Affectionately yours,
Millie TownsendWest
Hibernia, Hibernia

Dear Charles Kopfkin,
Our graphic design team has completed pages 7 and 102 of you Frequently Asked Questions section. The Board of Natural Climate has approved the new manufacturing process for pages 47, 53, 99-100 and 2. We have also created a new ID system for each individual element so that it may be tracked and reused. Please let me know what you think and how we can better serve your company.
Regards,
Dormer SmitSmit,
Smoot & Smut, LLCP.S.

P.S. It appears as if I stuffed this letter in the wrong envelope. However, I’ve put this little note here to let you know the letter’s not for you and resealed the envelope with clear tape.

To Whom it May Concern,
This is an official communiqué from the United States Patent, Trademark, Copyright and Green Jacket office. Please consider this letter a cease-and-desist letter for your infringing practices stemming from Volume 456-BR7, Issue 09, p.17. You do not have a permit to feature a character in your magazine wearing a jacket of any shade of green. Our analysts assure us that the figure pictured in the lower right hand corner is wearing a green jacket. Our records show no application for permit to display, nor do they show your legal acquisition of such permit from another party.Please contact us so that we may discuss how you may take care of this matter. Do not contact us.
Sincerely,
Cat Ution
Director of JacketingUSPTCGJO
Washington, D.C.