Written correspondences from good natured gentlemen who have read our previous installments and wish to comment on some aspects thereof.

Dear A&A,
Bicycle Monkey is amazing, thanks again. My life hasn’t been this efficient and productive since Vietnam. Way to go and keep on tractoring!
Stephanie McKeon
Brooklyn, NY

Dear Axes & Alleys,
Your magazine sure publishes a lot of material, but would you say that you publish everything? Would you really believe that a single magazine could publish everything there is? Everything from the number of hairs on a yak to pharaoh’s phone number? No, that would be an insult to your intelligence. Of course this magazine has never published everything there is. So you must admit that somewhere in that information that you haven’t published there must be, somewhere, proof that God exists. So if you don’t publish this that means you’ve omitted something. What does that make you? Yes, an omitter.
Ray Comfort
Farnsworth, Australia

To the Editors of Axes & Alleys,
Why is it that you never write about thixotropes? These fluids, which move into a solid state when agitated are really exciting. Why not write a series of articles about various interesting things about thixotropes, like how ketchup is tasty. Ketchup is a thixotrope.
Please Johnson
Birmingham, AL

Dear Axes and Alleys,
I really liked your article about sea bass in last month’s issue. Though it may not have been your magazine, it may have been the specialty magazine Sea Bass Magazine. Either way, good work.
Lucy Primate
Halitosis, NH

To Axes & Alleys,
I would like to faithfully request that you create a cover image of Amy Acker for an upcoming issue. Amy is one of the brightest, most talented actresses in the United States and abroad and is deserving of so halcyon a place on the cover of the foremost publication of March 2006. While her recent guest work on the hit show AKA hasn’t been the best, you should still throw her a bone.
Amy Acker
Los Angeles, California
www.amyackeronline.com

Dear Axes & Alleys,
I am highly offended by your breast size discussion (Volume 456-BR7 Issue 17). In Samuel Radget’s biography you describe Grand Flemish, Accadia as “beautiful.” Well, I live in nearby Lesser Flemish and I can tell you that town is trash. They only have six gas stations. Next time you might try taking a look at Lesser Flemish. We have over 14 gas stations.
Simon R. Fullerene
Lesser Flemish, AC

Dear A&A Sales Department,
I cannot get in touch with the companies who provide either of the recent monkey products advertised in your magazine. I have contacted them at the information provided on their web sites numerous times, but have received no response. The idea is that I would like to pitch my own invention: The Prosimian Pancreatic Surgeon.
Pal Wolverton
Wolverton, Ontario

Dear Axes & Alleys,
When I think of you, I hear a little Marvin Gaye. Sometimes It’s Barry White. I love you Axes & Alleys.
Walter Cronkite
New York, NY

Dear Editors,
Recently, I recieved the special Hungarian edition of Volume 456-BR7, Issue 12, was scented with lavender. My version did not contain the lavender scent, but rather sandlewood. Perhaps you sent the South American edition by mistake.
Jan Hanovov
Budapest, Hungary