FOR LEASE
Shitty tall tale. It’s really awful and can be yours for only $23 a week. Contact Logan of Logan’s Tall Tales for more info.

TO LET
5000 sq. ft. room in the middle of a garbage scow. Lovely view of refuse, perfect fixer upper. Barge Realty. 718-2121.

WANTED
Sexually inexperienced naked women. 18-24 yrs old. T-Bone Jones, Adams Retirement Home. 462- 0028.

WANTED
Life-size model of cobalt atom. Will pay up to $43. Paul Cook, Box 201.

POSITION AVAILABLE
Squash players needed to provide technical assistance to cast of whacky new Squash-related sitcom. Call Ralph at NBC for more info. 880-2734, ext. 1382-8271.

FOR SALE
Super tanker full of maple syrup. The syrup clogs up the release valves so we can never drain it out. Makes a great conversation piece. $2 million or best offer. Ellison Mineral.

WANTED
I will trade money or favors in exchange for ale. I will do anything for ale. I sure love ale. Barnaby, Box 21.

FOR SALE
Sunflower. Call Tammy at 323-0098.

POSITION AVAILABLE
Volcano detector. We need you to find volcanoes for use in a confidence scheme. Twin Stix Mahoney, Box 6.

WANTED
Box of meal worms. Must be 18 cubic in. E. Bell, Hambone, TX.

FOR SALE
Small cube shaped puzzle which opens dimensional gates and summons baldheaded gothy looking creatures. $50 or best offer. Kirsty, Box 103.

FOR SALE
The beat. Charlotte Caffey info@gogos.com

FOR RENT
Marianas Trench. Includes wrecked submarine filled with jellyfish and common anglerfish. F. Pino 917-843-9222

WANTED
Asymmetrical intelligent alien species for discovery and horrible misunderstanding. Roderick Blaine Blaine Manor, New Scotland 113091

FOR SALE
One box. Tom, No.33

POSITION AVAILABLE
Masochist needed to be struck with bats by Crimean immigrants. Will provide boiled carrots as payment. Call Lucy Sturgeon at 829-292-181.

WANTED
Bootblack. Must supply own tools. Polish provided. Dr. F.X. Enderby South Polar Station Antarctica

FOR SALE
Rust collection. All varieties from brown to light-dark red. Dark-dark red not included. 35p or best offer. Leisha Halley 212-888-2122

FOR RENT
2 staples. $2 per month, $68 for three years in advance. Find metal pipe and strike 13 dots and two dashes. I’ll bring the staples.

FOR LEASE
One human lung, you can use my lung for six months and then I need it back. Laura, Box 021.

POSITION AVAILABLE
Intern needed at petrochemical company. We need to test effects of oil on underpants. Underpants not provided, you must bring your own. Only women, ages 18-22 need apply. Petroil Co. Ramada, MV

WANTED
Petunia that can kill people and consume their flesh, rip organs out and eat them. Will pay top dollar. I have my own pot to keep them in. Belinda, 372-2831

WANTED
A box. Any type. Will pay lots and lots of money. Argus, Route 3. BA