Written Correspondences from Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof
Dear Axes and Alleys,
The magazine is fucking awesome. I’ve read the first three issues. Do you have hard copies of it and are you selling it? I want a hard copy of one of them if you have one. They are intelligent and funny and I love them. The want ads at the end made me laugh really hard and Matt was laughing his ass off too. The whole thing is really good.
Warmest Regards,
Katie O’Connor
To the Editors,
RE: Jewry in Space (Volume 456-BR7, Issue 7),
604. To deal with a beautiful woman taken captive in war in the manner prescribed in the Torah (Deut. 21:10-14) (affirmative).
605. Not to sell a beautiful woman, (taken captive in war) (Deut. 21:14) (negative).
606. Not to degrade a beautiful woman (taken captive in war) to the condition of a bondwoman (Deut. 21:14) (negative).
I’m curious about average women. Are they fair game? If the Jews on Mars find themselves in need of women, are they allowed to raid the Earth for it’s most stunningly unexceptional females?
Myriad Edwards
Dear Axes & Alleys,
Of course Rommel couldn’t beat the Allies in the Battle of the Bulge (Volume 456-BR7 Issue 6)—Rommel committed suicide on 14 October 1944, just over two months before the Battle of the Bulge began.
Litson P. Nerdis
Dearest Editors,
The bus was late this evening, and my colleague demanded reading material as I was away somewhere in my head and not talking, so I handed him my print-out (as I have explained elsewhere, I find reading pdfs a pain). He very much liked the monkey song (H.G. Peterson, Volume 456-BR6 Issue 18). The other bus-awaiters seemed to appreciate it too, as he insisted on reading it aloud. Mainly, I liked the pretty girls and some of the classifieds.
Alice Lyall
To whom it may concern,
That is clearly a fake llama, a clear and blatant forgery. I can assure you that the Peruvian Department of Internal Copy Knavery and Llama Protection Services has already been notified of this grave offence and will take immediate action in the form of writing a stern letter to former President Chester A. Arthur and signing it “Love and kisses, Alvin P. Snapwarbler Esq.” If this llama forging doesn’t cease immediately, it will cause someone in a very remote area of western Siberia to yelp in an altogether unbecoming manner and a badger to fall over somewhere in Australia.
Charles Pufer
Dear Editors,
How fantastic to find someone sharing my name and a great sense of humour (sorry I’m a Brit)! I hope you survive the mistaken identity issues but you strike me as being pretty well grounded! And thank goodness you’re musical. I don’t think I could have handled being linked to someonbe [sic] who [sic] tone deaf!
Warmest regards,
Dear Axes and Alleys:
I am incredibly greatful to you lot for brightening my day!
Love,
Zeke