Guide to Monkeys

Poetry by the Great H.G. Peterson

A GUIDE TO MONKEYS

by H.G. Peterson

H. G. Peterson is a leading member of the Masters of the Illuminati,
the secret organization which governs the affairs of international
diplomacy, war, and world-wide commercial markets. He is also an
avid croquet player and enjoys listening to gramophone recordings.

H.G. Peterson’s Guide to Monkeys

(For Her Majesty Queen Victoria)

Monkeys are funny and covered with fuzz
Wear a red shiny fezz, each monkey does
If you mess with a monkey, they look sternly and say
“Monkey no like you, now you go away”

With fury and rage and anger misplaced
The monkeys dance ’round, then hop on your face
Then one monkey jumps up, his teeth give a shine
And he takes a big bite out of your spleen and your spine

Then they all hop aboard, they pound on their chests
Hammers they pull, from their red monkey vests
They rip the flesh from your bones with a murderous haste
Hammers pounding your body into thick muddy paste

Monkey looks down at you, and the monkey he say
“Fuck you, you giant prick!”

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