Unless you’re a trust-fund kid whose parents have more money than God, you’ll need a job. Unfortunately, finding a job, much less a career, can be a difficult, stressful and annoying project. One thing that will help make the search a bit easier is a killer resumé.

1. Don’t try to go overboard on the style. While everyone wants their resume to stand out, try to limit the use of the windings font to four characters per sentence.
2. Make sure that you put your name on the paper.
3. You can lie on a resumé, but don’t make your lies too big or they’ll be unbelievable. They might buy your the last four years of TV watching as a “furniture tester experience,” but definitely won’t believe that you invented the light bulb, served as Vice President of Norway or played the title character in E.T. The Extra Terrestrial.
4. If you do end up claiming you played the title character in E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, practice saying “Bee” in a weird voice so you can maybe try to prove it.
5. The interviewer might ask some background questions about your E.T. experience; make sure you do some research. You could for instance mention that Drew Barrymore is a vegetarian and animal rights nut. Maybe invent a funny anecdote about Steven Spielberg and an accident with a blueberry pie.
6. Make sure you figure out how exactly you played E.T. Remember, the more details you can provide the better. Were you a puppeteer or did you provide voice work? Chances are someone at the company has seen E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, so know what you’re talking about.
7. Don’t try to impress the interviewer by offering them a small part in E.T. The Extra Terrestrial 2: Revenge of the Phoenix. There is no such movie and a quick look through Variety will reveal your boast as a lie.
8. It may be helpful to bring along some memorabilia of your E.T. The Extra Terrestrial experience to help prove your case. You could forge some pictures of yourself with Henry Thomas or even have a friend call during the interview claiming to be Dee Wallace-Stone.
9. In case they should check, hack into the Internet Movie Database and add your name to the cast list for E.T. The Extra Terrestrial.
10. Should the interviewer have actually been involved with the production of E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, don’t panic. Just casually mention something about the upcoming cast and crew reunion in Pasadena and then quickly change the subject.

Yes, writing a resumé can be difficult, but by following the above tips you can be certain
that you’ll have a lucrative career in no time. Good luck.