FOR SALE:
Modern statuary kit. Includes hammer, chisel and poor sense of perspective and proportion. Optional abstract attachments included. Offer good while supplies last. $35 basic, $45 with abstractions kit. Yell Mike from your nearest window and I’ll come running.

FOR SALE:
International pasta collection. Includes various kinds of pasta from countries as varied as Italy.

FOR RENT:
One mummy. Available on weekends only to good homes. Great with kids, house trained and knows a few tricks. Contact Sarah at 737- 0726.

WANTED:
One orange. Must be ripe, with peel and seeds. Foliage desirable, but not necessary. Call Leonard ASAP. 746-9645. Can only pay by credit.

FOR RENT:
Radio Flyer Wagon. Fifteen dollars a day or best offer. Red aluminum wagon with pull handle. Children not included. Only three wheels. Contact the Archdiocese of Blephuria, Normansville, KY.

FOR SALE:
Small child. 758-9298

MISC:
This Saturday come look at me. One dollar per viewing, three minutes per dollar. Only this Saturday. Personal cheques not accepted. No flash photography. 718 Brooklyn Rd.

FOR SALE:
The Internet. Owner and creator seeks to sell largely useless and time-wasting modern technology for cheapest possible prices as quickly as possible. Call Albert at 458-923-1616 with best offer before Thursday. Leave a message.

WANTED:
Bad camel to spit on enemy’s motor cycle. Abu, box 29.

FOR SALE:
One t-styled shirt bearing the verbal caption “I am in league with this ignorant person” above an arrow indicating the person next to which the wearer is seated. Robert V. Holderdash, electrical telephoning machine number 718- 552-0972.

FOR SALE:
28 cubic parsecs of hydrogen, mostly in lightly concetrated cloud form. Perfect for new star or nebula just getting started. Contact Bok, 7-1110- 191373-018.

FOR RENT:
One kidney. Please return after sixteen days of use. No alcoholics, please. Call Dr. Kim Dae Milford at St. Josephus Veterinary Care Center, Cleveland, Maryland, 02813.

FOR SALE:
One diamond necklace. 3.25 microns in circumference. Last owner anorexic amoeba with deathwish. Please contact Colin Escherischia at 632-8572.

FOR ANNEXATION:
Dacia. Available for the invasion of three Roman Legions. Cheap deal, available for short time only. Cross Danube for details.

WANTED:
16 deviled eggs of 1963 origin. Must have been cooked by Mrs. Denny Armbuster of 16 Plenary Lane, Elmhurst, KY and her husband. Jake Armbuster. Call Chinny Sambusen at 734-4444.

GPT WOEL@
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WANTED:
Skilled gastrointestinal surgery at the cheapest possible price. Must be a skilled surgeon with medical degree and residency. No quacks need apply. Write to: Jerry Orman 32 Nob Ln. Oberhausen, KY 45736

MESSAGE 63627

FOR SALE:
Left shoe. $5 or best offer. Call Nerm, 725-7275

FOR SALE:
1 (one) gross of edible Bishop’s Miters. Garlic, Bananarama, Pina Colada, Creamed Corn, Very Berry, other flavors as well. Call Tim of Tim’s Ecclesiastical Bakery, 718-997-8271.

WANTED:
Funny Business costume with tassels. Silver or Magenta preferred, but will accept taupe in crinoline material. Will pay top-euro if helmet and kneepads are included. Mike, PO Box 63710-02, Katharinetowne, KL, 64722.

DESPERATELY NEEDED:
Aircraft carrier, either Nimitz of Foch class. Operational steam catapult a must. Will pay up to £5. Arnold, box 31.

WANTED:
One Zeppelin? Brand rigid frame airship needed for cross- Atlantic Atlantic crossing. Must be able to spontaneously burst into flames during normal use. Zippy the Snail, 457-2811.

FOR SALE:
One million, three hundred thousand, fifty-six (1,300,056) squirrels, many with intact tails. Free Yale t-shirt included. £500. Call Tony Blair, 10 Downing St. London, SW1.

POSITION AVAILABLE:
Hitman needed to hit man. Details provided. Lance Mc. Gronting, 212-212-2112.