Classified Ads: Maine 2008

FOR SALE
Left-handed widget for use in 3” metric thing-a-ma-bobber. Doodad attachment not included. Mr. Joe Blow, 21 Showdown Plaza, Ingrid, WV 24751.

FOR SALE
Pickled glue guns (4) in vat of brine. $73.00 or best offer. Chad McDiormott, Box 10943.

FOR SALE
Nickleback. Not the band, but actually the reverse side of a nickel which I delicately bisected with a jeweler’s saw. Two and a half cents. If you don’t have half-cent coins, it’s not a problem. I’ll make you some with my jeweler’s saw. Leonor Soot, 107 Puppet Street, Bicycle Canyon, NY 10087.

FOR SALE
Collection of ten plastic novelty flying discs, each with the name of one of the mythical Sumerian kings. Written in Helvetica font. No substitutions. Eliot G. Godfrey, 9 Sutcher St., #4 (ring top bell), New York, NY 10013.

FOR SALE
Maniac. House-trained. Comes with own knives, mask and trouble back story. $86.52. World-wide delivery. No refunds. Keeble Barista, 4019-601-23-213, ext. 4058.

FOR SALE
Mint condition, in the package, Robotron™ action figures from the second run (1984-1986). Complete set includes Major Courageous®, Contractor®, Destrukto-smahser®, Indicticator®, Captain Underlord®, Cosmo-Ninja®, Count Dragonator®, Eviltron®, Zoomlord®, Robopanther®, Xylon®, Electrofist®, General Death®, and the Celestial Sphere® playset. $1.00 each. Chafer Hardelmere, Box 312.

FOR SALE
Explanation of transit systems in major metropoli. Paris, Tokyo, New York & others. For $30.00 I will come to your house and explain transit systems using three different visual aids. Scott Baio, Box 273.

FOR SALE
Lithograph of John Stamos. Stamos depicted watering spider plant. $340.00. G.L. Gompers, Box 21.

FOR SALE
One thousand, two hundred and eight Polaroid™ photographs of the Shroud of Turin. Free Urdu translation copy of Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird included. Gordon Brown, 10 Downing St., London, SW1A 2AA.

FOR SALE
Tacos. There are three tacos that I have, each with seasoned meat, lettuce and cheese in a tortilla shell. $.75 per taco, free wrapping included. R. Starr, 7 Champion St., Verdun, EL.

WANTED
Popping device for errant balloons. Mine keep escaping and I feel bad that they might be stolen by other helium balloon enthusiasts. Will pay at least $5, but would also be willing to trade unpasteurized milk. Jim Jensen, c/o Jensen’s Balloon Enthusiasms, 45 Main St. Brooklyn, NY 11201

FOR SALE
Fifth primary color. Doesn’t quite work with other four primary colors. Only visible in ultra-violet light. B. Queen, El Hivo Apartments #3, West Petunio, Nova Scotia

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