
For many years the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, and its various military forces, have utilized a system whereby they substitute a common word for a letter of the alphabet in radio-graphic communication. This is meant to ease communication. But, I find that their word choices are a bit random and I don’t at all approve. Therefore, I would like NATO to adopt a new NATO, or phonetic alphabet. After all, we can’t have NATO forces supporting the drinking of whiskey, a known intoxicant.
| Letter | NATO Alphabet | Neo-NATO Alphabet |
| A | Alpha | Analgesic |
| B | Bravo | Bunion |
| C | Charlie | Cornucopia |
| D | Delta | Dingus |
| E | Echo | Earwig |
| F | Foxtrot | Fustule |
| G | Golf | Goiter |
| H | Hotel | Hrothgar |
| I | India | Interferon |
| J | Juliet | Jujube |
| K | Kilo | Kotex |
| L | Lima | Loin |
| M | Mike | Monkey |
| N | November | Negro |
| O | Oscar | Ornithopter |
| P | Papa | Penis |
| Q | Quebec | Quixotic |
| R | Romeo | Ringworm |
| S | Sierra | Scab |
| T | Tango | Tijuana |
| U | Uniform | Ungabungabungabunga |
| V | Victor | Vagina |
| W | Whiskey | Whiskey |
| X | X-Ray | Xerxes II |
| Y | Yankee | Yummy |
| Z | Zulu | Zoroaster |
| ‡ | Thorn | Thumb |
| ? | Chad | Chamberpot |
| ? | Shamrock | Shazam! |