Durham, N.C. – Utilizing what they referred to as “an insanely easy procedure” scientists at Duke University’s Department of Aquatic Medicine were able to transform two octopuses into one hectopus and one nonapus, with one semi-intelligent tentacle left over.
The operation, which took over twenty-eight minutes to complete, has completely revolutionized the scientific world’s view on cephalopod development.

“Before I thought cephalopods, y’know, could only have eight or ten tentacles. These dudes, though, they just proved that way wrong,” said UC Berkeley physics professor Joseph Orenstein.

It had been thought that octopuses developed eight tentacles due to evolution. Now it is known that intelligent design can create pusses with as many limbs as our whims desire. Huntington F. Willard, Duke University professor of biology, stated that work would now move forward on the triskadecopus because of the hect- and nonapus successes.

While the fate of the semi-intelligent tentacle is in doubt due to its inability to ingest nutrients, Hansel and Gretel, as the nonapus and hectopus are now known respectively, are adapting to their new tentacle arrangements well and are expected to release a statement as soon as cephalopods learn to speak, write and release statements to the press.