An Editorial by Faith DaBrooke

If you’ve decided to make significant use of your time by attempting to read this article, I’m certain that you are eager to be led toward a straight-forward, painless solution to your procrastination dilemma. This assumption, however, leads me to believe that your impatience has prevented you from following through with any previous step-by-step solution. Therefore, do not stop reading, for this article has so far put you on the verge of overcoming your addiction to delaying progress. You are now partially on your way to abolishing the procrastination which has held you firmly in bondage.

Your friends and family are probably fed up with your excuses and justifications and are most likely frustrated by your apparent lack of mental capacity. Perhaps they wonder why they’ve been forced to take a part in the drama that is your self-perpetuating failure. Indeed, you’ve come to regard yourself as a failure and are depressed my the misassumption that life is beyond your control.

Always remember, work begun is half done, and now I shall unquestionably be in jam for ripping off Mary Poppins. If you read the previous sentence, then you have just progressed half-way towards finding the solution to your unwillingness to lead a life of productive activity.

First of all, before you continue reading, you must confront your denial. Put aside your pitiful excuses and say out loud “I have a problem.” Retreat from blaming external sources, such as alcoholism or a lack of electricity. Did that work? Good. Soon, you will learn how to demolish the problem that complicates your life and causes stress and anxiety, leading inevitably, to sickness and death. But do not despair, for you are on your way to resolving what is universally deemed the most anxiety-provoking situation since the beginning of time.

Statistics show that individuals do not like stress, specifically work-related stress. How often have you been depressed by thoughts such as “there’s always tomorrow” directly followed by “there’s never any time!” These thoughts lead to feelings of dread and indifference towards accomplishing anything meaningful. In turn, you will procrastinate and drown yourself in more dismay. The cycle of anxiety and procrastination is infinite and was unstoppable, at least until the creation of this article.

Therefore, my advice to you is as follows: never procrastinate! For if you do, you may end up composing solutions to procrastination and will never arrive at any solution because you’ve simply run out of time.

By reading this article, you have struck procrastination to the ground as soon as it has reared its ugly head. Congratulations! You have now conquered your inconvenient behavioral pattern. So don’t despair, you have just succeeded in your pursuit by completing this insightful composition and by not allowing your impatience to provoke you into destroying this article in a fit of anger. Huzzah!

With Special Thanks to Irene Baras