News From Around Our World (The Earth)
Marseilles, France– the Botot company released its new dental product, Nano Floss, which contains billions of nanites for easier dental hygiene. Test subjects are also reported to have responded more readily to Botot product advertisement.
Nurby Province, Angina– The crop-duster strike has continued into its third week, as farmers walked away from the bargaining table over he issue of a proposed contractual wing allotment.
Casablanca, Morocco– Mohamed bin Alamad has officially announced that his store will offer special discounts as part of a sales promotion.
Berlin, Germany– Federal government officials announced the allocation of 280 million euros to the national defense budget, though some opposition members opposed the spending of over half the allotment on Das kriegerhosen, the now-infamous German armored trousers.
Rome, Italy– Breaking their own record by over seven hours, the Italians have succeeded in having three governments fail in a single day.
London, England– P.M. Tony Blair announced that, upon retiring from politics, he is going to focus on selling off his warehouse full of 18,003 wax replicas of the Great Wall of China, and stated that he would sweeten the offer by throwing in a free tea cozy.
Esperon, Esperia– A study has found that average lawn size in the small state has decreased by 4% over the past decade.
Washington D.C., USA– President Armstrong wowed the White House press corps when he outlined his new energy policy while riding a unicycle.
St. Thaddeus, VI– After last month’s “Lobby Incident,” officials have banned the importation of woven baskets.
Fetterburg, Accadia, USA– Hours after concrete was poured for the new sidewalk on the south side of Lading St. between the 200 block and the 300 block, neighbourhood children vandalized the unset pavement with various ribald phrases. Many contained misspellings.
Al Fashir, Sudan– The European Union began L’Operation Porc-épic, a triphibious assault intended to bring about and end to the country’s multiple humanitarian crises and attempt to clean up the mess created by many of its member states’ colonial pasts.
Fyrine IV– A member of a species later known as “mock turtle” by fighter pilot Willis Davidge, is struck by a meteorite.
Camp Kalisotta, Kalisotta, USA– The last United States Army Air Corps air base closes down. Camp Kalisotta, which spent over 60 years manufacturing balsa wood models for use in table top maps, was closed due to advances in technology and the creation of the United States Air Force.
Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan– Krembik Daglayev has decided to stop farming sugar beets so that he can save enough money to purchase a tractor.
Ashville, North Carolina, USA– Incidents of the use of “Ashvegas, North Kakalaka,” the local colloquial term for the area, have decreased 25%.
Fitzroy, Melbourne, Australia– Roadwork on Bennet St. will continue for at least two more weeks, as crews work around the clock to repair several large pot holes.
Outer Antabia– Ethnic tensions between the Oato and the ruling Minanese have boiled over after ping pong star Ut Myo was caught cheating at a recent exhibition match.
Tokyo, Japan, Sinonipponesia– The Kyasho Concern has unveiled its next generation of androids. The robots can not only recognize facial expressions, but can also climb stairs, sort boxes, catch Frisbees and imitate Johnny Carson.
Diego Garcia, British Indian Ocean Territory– Strange, batlike vehicles have been seen flying over the island. This is the 6000th such incident since the United States began basing B2 stealth bombers on the island.
Epidamnus, Illyria– Thousands of protesters marched through the provincial capital of Epidamnus to protest the country’s moratorium on shoelaces, which was initiated after a severe shortage of those little plastic caps that go on the ends.
Sao Paolo, Brazil– The Sao Paolo city council enacted public decency legislation outlawing the wearing of bikinis and offering a 7 Real bonus to those choosing to wear micro-bikinis.
Luganville, Espiritu Santu, Vanuatu– The Value Added Tax was increased to 13% after a restructuring of the department handling import collections duties which combined that department with the country’s internal revenue services. An extra $477 per year in income is expected.
Jakarta, Indonesia, Sinonipponesia– In an effort to increase their country’s prestige, citizens have taken President Susilo Bambang Ydhoyono’s advice and dug canals across promontories in the country, raising its total number of islands from approximately 17,500 to 22,300.
Bogotá, Colombia– The popular restaurant Umberto’s has added a new menu item which one diner described as a “kind of double taco.”