Glamorous Celebrities, Not Emaciated POWs: Actress Miranda Chase and her Best Friend Forever (BFF) Lucy Borden look horrid, disgusting, skeletal and fabulous thanks to the newest fad, the low-mineral Trap Diet.

Miranda Chase, A-list star of the new film Any Thursday, stated in her latest press junket thats she’s an adherent to Dr. Michael Trap’s new low-mineral diet. She’s not alone in this new diet fad. The Trap Diet allows people to eat whatever they want, as long as they maintain low mineral content in their diets.

“The aircraft carrier Nimitiz, displaces one hundred thousand tons, and what do you think that’s made of? It’s made of minerals,” stated Dr. Trap. “Would you eat a hammer? Hammers are heavy and every time you eat minerals you’re essentially eating a hammer.”

Always lovely and roughly skeletal in shape, Ms. Chase defended the Trap Diet which has come under fire from those who practice common sense. “Mountains are big and fat and heavy. I don’t ever want to eat a mountain, or a train or anything else made of minerals; like a geode or a tongs.”

While scientists, doctors, nutritionists and those with common sense are still skeptical, the low-mineral Trap Diet remains popular with those who have already tried and failed on such previous fads as the low carb, low fat, low protein and low vitamin diets.