Written Correspondences from Good Natured Gentlemen Who Have Read Our Previous Installments and Wish to Comment on Some Aspects Thereof.

Dear Editors,
Recently there has been a bit of controversy concerning the attack on Pearl Harbor. This dastardly sneak attack by Japanese forces left much of the US surface fleet in tatters. Many have tried to blame Admiral Kimmel or even Roosevelt himself. This is silly. The plain fact of the matter is that, due to the presence of the International Date Line, the Japanese actually attacked on December 8th, 1941, while the US sailors and soldiers were still enjoying December 7th. There’s no possible way the US could have foreseen the attack, since Japan lies on the other side of the date line and thus exists one day in the future. How could the US prepare for or defend against an attack which happened a day before it actually occurred? With the powers of time travel at their disposal, it was easy for the Nips to travel back one day and attack us unawares. The Japanese still have this time travel ability at their disposal, so they must be destroyed, but only by attacking from the West to minimize the destructive power of the International Date Line.
Taisho Agari
Mie, Hokkaido, Japan

My Lords,
The peasants have been without barley for much time and the stores of coarse black bread will not last through winter. What shall they put in the pottage, I ask? Dirt? Methinks not. If they are not prepared for by Your Graces, what shall they consume? Surely they will starve in the coming winter and there shall be no one to work the fields. I suggest slaughtering an older ox and salting the meat to provide for the serfs in the coming colder times.
John the Bald,
Herald of Norwich

Dear Axes & Alleys,
I am not quite certain of something. Perhaps your magazine could produce a guide for the perplexed. A good guide book would properly explain the differences between spaetzel, dumplings and pasta. Does anyone really know?
Robert Mackenzie
Toronto, Ontario

To the Producers of Axes & Alleys:
What’s the story on the so called “Lost Issue” of Axes & Alleys. I’ve heard rumors that there is a missing issue, but have never been able to find any information about it. I’ve searched all over your website, but haven’t found anything. What’s the straight dope on this missing issue?
Almond R. Hamlet
Houdini, Ponderada.

Dear Sirs and Madams,
Axes and Alleys makes me want to eat a
sandwich.
Nick
Reno, Nevada

Axes & Alleys,
Each time I read your magazine I drool with delight because I am comatose and cannot control my swallowing. Oh boy, it just runs down all over the bed and soils everything. Sometimes I can hear people who speak to me, but most of the time I’m just in a coma drooling. Maybe a tube would help me out with my drooling problem. Perhaps one day Jesus will cure me. Until then I’ll enjoy your publication.
John Doe,
RCIMI

Hey,
Television is total rubbish. One day, while watching television, I happened to watch rubbish. Total rubbish. This one movie I saw had Gwyneth Paltrow (Sylvia) as two ladies who lived in separate dimensions. Scientists say there is only one Gwyneth Paltrow (Shakespear in Love) and not some crazy land with two Gwenyth Paltrows (Emma and Hush). Television is rubbish.
Michael Sedarnik
Nice, France, E.U.

From a Former Cover Girl:
Axes and Alleys,
I couldn’t agree with you more about animal
behavior. Yes! I have checked out your site and
it’s cool!
Manda Marble
Columbus Ohio