Tuscaloosa, AL – Okay, so it’s a college town and it’s all about football. The portrait of legendary coach Bear Bryant hangs everywhere, even in churches. Strange though, because I didn’t come to Tuscaloosa to see college football. I didn’t even come to see the fabulous coal barges of the Black Warrior River. There was only one reason I came here: to view the ancient, pre-Columbian Indian Mounds, the only monuments left of the once great Mississippi Delta civilization.

When I first got to town, I was really hungry. I had gotten a ride from this punk band The Desplicables, who had played an awesome show in Macon. Being a punk band though, they didn’t have any money or food, so I was forced to fend for myself. Luckily I found a Chippy’s Corn Dog Hut right near where The Desplicables had bidden me farewell.

So, I ordered a corndog with a side of curly fries and a grape soda . Right, pretty simple? Instead, this jerk behind the counter gives me these weird seasoned fries that aren’t curly or anything. And when I tell him I want curly fries, this jack off tells me that they’re “out of curly fries.” Then the manager comes over.

In the end, the manager apparently needed six stitches from where I hit him with the bottle. And the counter jerk said his dad is going to sue me to cover his medical bills or something. Some people are so uptight. Like the police for instance.

They told me not to leave town for a while, but c’mon guys, I have a whole country to explore and I’ve got to head out. See ya’ll next time.