K. Rodney Tripps is one of the world’s foremost songwriters and musicians,
having appeared with the John Cullen Band, Dendrite, John Kuiper and the Objects
and recording artist Drip, among others. Roddy, as he’s known to friends, is based
in Odenkirk, EL and wrote many of the last decade’s pop sensations, including
Kronos Lives, Automobile, The Sock Song, and Pylons.

The key to any well-crafted music hit is a title derived from the lyrics in the chorus, so we’ll start there. Your title should be ambiguous and should be no longer than two words. It’s best to use one noun. So, you’ve thought of one noun? Good. I’m working with “shellfish.”

Song Title: Shellfish

Okay, we’re on the right track! Now, the verses need have no relation to the chorus, so we can forget our song title and create them. The first verse should express disdain, be ironic and somewhat sexual. Try something like this.

Leave me, I’m your chain
But you love me, I’m your stain
Betting, on a frog
But you can’t win, you have bad luck

Now, for fun, you can make up a second verse to follow the first chorus that bears no relation to the first verse, even its style. Make sure you keep talking to “someone,” though, as this is very important to the genre. Something like this:

I tried to mow the long grass
But you work hard at a mega-Mall-Mart
But you work at a mega-Mall-Mart
Passing flyers at a door automatic
Welcome here
Welcome here
Welcome here

Great, we’ve got the second verse all worked out. See how cleverly we denigrated that someone in the third line? Superb. Now we can make another verse like the first. Remember, ironic and sexual.

Forward, in reverse
Tacit, turn loudly
Clean lymph, open sores
But I love you, putrid bitch

See that “bitch” part at the end? That shows you really care in an ironic way. The clever use of tacit and turn to create “taciturn loudly” is also very ironic. Now, on to the chorus (after which we’ll have some fun with form, yippee!). The chorus should contain some rhyme, but don’t overdo it. We’re not writing poetry, we’re making music!

Try to make as little sense as possible in the chorus so that the singer can mangle the lyrics and confuse everyone. There’s nothing better than hearing people discuss your music and get all the words wrong. So:

Shellfish, selfish
Corn and beefsteak make excellent hash
Shellfish, selfish
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incom

See how the last incomplete is incomplete? Genius! You can also eventually go back and replace selfish with other similar sounding words if you can find them. We’re well on our way. Now, let us put together a tag for the song. Maybe two phrases repeated, first one and then the other. Remember to be ironic!

Have to make a piece of me
Have to make a piece of me
Have to make a piece of me
Have to make a piece of me

Take another engine part from there
Take another engine part from there
Take another engine part from there

And just to drive the point home, see how the one part talks about making a piece of the writer and the other part talks about taking something from an engine? Irony!

Now, we put it all together:

Leave me, I’m your chain
But you love me, I’m your stain
Betting, on a frog
But you can’t win, you have bad luck

Shellfish, selfish
Corn and beefsteak make excellent hash
Shellfish, selfish
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incom

I tried to mow the long grass
But we work hard at a mega-Mall-Mart
But we work at a mega-Mall-Mart
Passing flyers at a door automatic
Welcome here
Welcome here
Welcome here

Shellfish, selfish
Corn and beefsteak make excellent hash
Shellfish, selfish
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incom

Forward, in reverse
Tacit, turn loudly
Clean lymph, open sores
But I love you, putrid bitch

Shellfish, selfish
Corn and beefsteak make excellent hash
Shellfish, selfish
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incomplete
They are total and incomplete

Have to make a piece of me
Have to make a piece of me
Have to make a piece of me
Have to make a piece of me

Take another engine part from there
Take another engine part from there
Take another engine part from there

See how easy writing music is? You’re well on your way to being a star. All you have to do now is learn to play an instrument, set your lyrics to music, put together a band, get signed by a record company and release a hit single. A successful career in music awaits!