With regular commentator LeMuel LeBratt
By Permanent Guest-Commentator R. Yadaris Sythe
Defending Yourself Against Alien Abductions
According to recent research released by the National Institutes of Health, one in six Americans has been abducted by aliens from outer space. This rate of abduction is nearly twice that of people abducted by illegal aliens. Essentially, this information means that if you have not yet been abducted, you probably will be some time before next Tuesday.
We at Axes & Alleys remain ever vigilant in our defense of the good people of Earth. Experts in related fields (including chemistry and philosophy) have provided us a veritable laundry list of things that you can do to protect yourself against alien abductions.
Follow these simple guidelines and you’ll be certain that the only person probing your rectum will be Carla from the escort service.
- Like cats, aliens are terrified of vacuum cleaners. If you sense aliens approaching, simply turn on the ol’ Hoover and any nearby aliens will scurry to safety by crawling under a nearby bed.
- Aliens would be categorized as obsessive-compulsive by the diktat of the DSM IV. Make sure to keep your home highly disorganized and aliens may fear to tread there (however, beware of alien automatons).
- Aliens tend to be very sensitive to universal vibrations. As crystals can project these vibrations, it can be useful to wear a crystal. These are available at many New Age boutiques. If there are no New Age boutiques in your area, remember that ordinary table salt is a crystal (NaCl). Try pouring a bunch of salt on your head before retiring for the night.
- As alien auras broadcast on a different frequency than human auras, aliens have been known to absorb energy from electrical systems. If the power drains from your home you are in an alien-friendly environment. Try using a portable gasoline generator in your bedroom. The carbon monoxide fumes should kill any aliens who try and come near you.
- If you suddenly awaken in your bedroom to discover aliens standing over you, a good trick to avoid abduction is to simply open the release on the airlock. It might be good to quip “Get away from her, you bitch” before letting the aliens fly off into the void.
- For areas not equipped with airlocks where you might awaken to find aliens standing over you, remember that aliens are exceedingly polite. Say something like “excuse me, I must prepare the potatoes.” Then make a quick getaway while they wait.
- Aliens have skin which is very sensitive to earth environments. This can be very handy information if you have to thwart any alien abduction attempts. Try and use a harsh fabric softener if you do any laundry for the aliens.
- Known for their small, thin gray physique and overly large eyes, aliens can be easy targets. Try sleeping with darts in your bed. Hitting big, black, almond-shaped eyes can often be easier that hitting the cork after four pints of Guinness.
- Most aliens don’t know how to drive stick. You might want to sleep in a car with manual transmission.
- Alien tongues are especially sensitive to sweetness. To avoid abduction, try leaving a bunch of candy on your neighbor’s doorstep. The aliens might just get the hint.
- Many abductees have claimed that prayer can be a good defense against abduction. If you find yourself paralyzed in bed with aliens standing ominously above you, pray to Jesus Christ. Should that fail, try submitting to Allah. Conversion to Islam may help you stop the aliens, as suicide bombing can be very effective, even against extraterrestrial visitation.
- While there may be little you can do to defend yourself against alien abduction once the vile creatures have already infiltrated your home, remember that a simple anti-aircraft defense can be very effective against flying saucers. 88mm artillery can do serious damage to alien craft and can also be used to shell alien positions.
As you can see, with some simple precautions you can secure your home and person against these space miscreants. Many of these same tactics can be used to protect loved ones, co-workers, even pets. Always be vigilant.
R. Yadaris Smythe is a marine-carpenter whose hobbies include Bacon Festivals.
January 4th, 2006 at 6:14 pm
I think you’re just being silly. Everyone knows tin-foil will keep out any enemy brain-waves, or was that steam from a baked potato.
January 5th, 2006 at 3:30 am
I heard that garlic is good against vampires, maybe it might work with aliens too
January 5th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Aliens enjoy eating and bathing in garlic so, unfortunately, your hypothesis is completely unsubstantiated by the facts.
January 7th, 2006 at 1:41 am
and one more thing:
Sleep naked*, when the aliens come for u, they will see all the hair on your chest and genitailia and flee for safety thinking that you are a bear.
*Note, this may not work if u are a woman, unless ur a slack jawed red necker
January 9th, 2006 at 5:02 am
i think this is the biggest load of bull ever if you find a alien in your room you need to promptly take out the 9mm smg from under your bed and load all of the ammo into the space slimneball and dont forget to blow up your house while your at it to prevent any further visitations
January 9th, 2006 at 5:03 am
if the last comment fails try turning the alien on as this may result in multiple enjoyment leaving time to escape and find a weapon to defend yourself
January 9th, 2006 at 11:05 am
The best way to avoid being abducted by aliens is to abduct them first.
Remember: the best defense is a good insanity plea.
January 9th, 2006 at 11:23 am
Take the fight to them. I like that. Where do we keep them?
January 9th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
well… I feel you have left out an important fact. Aliens are afraid of bad spellink and fat people, wich really doesnt help their lust for abducties with bad teeth. anyhow, I used to get obducted all the time (because of my bad teeth, but thats another story) but ten I moved in with my fat accomplis who is a 300lb profesional seriul crusher(he crushes people for money.) and now I dont get obducted anymore…
January 9th, 2006 at 3:38 pm
oh also… I forgot to mention, in responce to #9 that if you have a cooky lanlord with a lazy eye, it is good to keep the abducted aliens in his basement, and show them pictures of fat people while probing them with a vaccume cleaner. Usually while I am doing this my fat accomplis chokes the alien near to death with his nipple…
January 9th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Nick, you must have an erroneous translation of Mephelhalther’s “Die Alienömnibus.” The original roughly translates to “lazy third eye.”
January 13th, 2006 at 11:44 pm
I dont know about you guys but if i ever find an aliens i will
1st. Make peace with the aliens
2nd. Breed with their women
3rd. Betray the aliens and kill them all
January 13th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
A highly succesful way to scare aliens off is by doing the following – take out a picture of marilyn manson and they will automatically run away. j/k manson ur the best
January 14th, 2006 at 3:16 pm
Marilyn Manson has weekly meetings with several alien visitors. They prefer toast with jam.
April 2nd, 2006 at 9:02 pm
Undoubtedly the best defence against alien abductions is to run Linux instead of Windows.
April 2nd, 2006 at 9:32 pm
At the Axes & Alleys offices we use a Fenster based computer system. Fenster is the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian digital technology.
June 23rd, 2006 at 4:50 pm
say i love you they will leave you this has apparantly worked in real abductions
June 24th, 2006 at 11:14 am
Saying I love you to aliens attempting to abduct you has never, ever worked. Aliens have no concept of love and only understand Earth languages to the barest degree. It’s completely meaningless to them. Please do some more thorough research there, Joe.
June 24th, 2006 at 11:57 am
With all due respect, Mr. Humbridge, while aliens have little working knowledge of most Earth languages, nearly all Grays and Reptillians are fluent in Welsh. Perhaps you should try saying “‘Rwy’n dy garu di.”
June 24th, 2006 at 12:10 pm
This still does not overcome the fact that no alien visitor to this planet comes from a race with a concept of love. They simply cannot understand it, even were they to understand the actual words used.
January 18th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
aliens hate crystals for real. if you cant find a crystals.
try pouring salt on your head or body before you go to bed and that will keep aliens from abducting you.
p.s aliens dont love worth crap
January 18th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
noah, it’s actually quite evident that aliens love Mary Worth. Keeping copies of this comic strip about your domicile is a sure way to attract the alien menace.
February 11th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
what i don’t get is how do the aliens know where people live? Have you ever thought how many aliens ended up abducting muskrats because they cound’t find anyone?
February 11th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Though muskrats have never been abducted by aliens, aliens have been adopted by muskrats on three occasions.
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:14 am
In the event of an alien abduction, the simplest thing to do is to ask lots of irritating questions. How does this work? Why does that do that? What is that thing you’re puttting in my ass? What does this button do?
Meh, worked for me.
April 4th, 2007 at 9:31 am
if u find an alien in ur bed room get up and kick their asses have u seen their muscles, they r weak so kick their asses and call the police. dont tell the police [there are aliens trying to abduct me] tell the police that there is a man in ur house and hes trying to kill u. keep kicking the aliens asses until the police arrives and when they arrive he will see the aliens in front of them and prove to ll the disbilievers that aliens r real.
April 4th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
this web site is so bull shit aleins are not real people say they are abducted for attention and if ur on a site like this u have no life!!
April 4th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Andrew, certainly you must concede that abudctees do not need attention. After all, they’re all ready getting plenty of attention from the aliens. Besides, aliens are too real people.
April 13th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
this website is fuck my ayre and ayre in arabic means dick so fuck u all u motherfuckin bilievers in aliens and oh look a flying saucer probably for the american goverment u all suck this isnt real i dont care about galaxies and the universe if aliens r real y dont they just come down here and say take me to ur leader and a guy can just lie to get money about abducties.
April 14th, 2007 at 10:40 am
Aliens also have trouble spelling.
April 18th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Well, all this seems to be right. But, what should I do if I found that they had taken me directly to their spaceship, and took my body parts for experiments leaving me without movement?? What should I do if I were inside the UFO, where there should be probably thousands of more aliens, ready to fuck me and make more special steak pie with my ass??
I really appreciate you help in this matter..fucker situation. Thanks buddies!! (I think rami wad abducted, we sorry 4 u man. Life still goes on…
April 22nd, 2007 at 7:46 am
As someone who is a multiple abductee I can assure you that covering one’s body with olive oil and rolling on corn flakes spread across the floor no longer works as a deterrent to abduction, no matter what anyone says to the contrary!
April 22nd, 2007 at 9:41 am
Where have you been Mr. Lawrence Lawrence? Of course such a method no longer works. This phenomenon was noted in 1982 and a thorough study made the following year and published in 1984. It has been determined that the various alien nations rotate their time abducting humans and that some time between 1979 and 1982, a new alien nation began their period on duty. This nation of course had no cultural taboo against olive oil. (It’s the oil that their culture disliked, not the flakes. The flakes are just there to let you know you’ve adequate protection.) There’s no telling when the previous abductors will come back on duty, so do keep the olive oil/corn flakes method in your arsenal.
April 25th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Hi everyone i know this may sound strange but i have no real knowledge because i allways blank out and that pisses me off i wish they wouldnt do that, they allways leave weird cuts and scars in my mouth and arms i think the do extensive research in human anatomy and if you didn’t know the greys are a dieing breed because of their race is like just dieing.
i know why they abduct us, they abduct us and they enfuse are genes with theres to save there race from extinction i know this because…well im pyschic and i do my research and i am a hybrid (hybrids are part human mostly and part alien) this makes are brains actually increase in use resulting in alot more pyschics in this world.
if you want any help just speak with me rpalmer1991@hotmail.com and also anyone who says that aliens don’t exisist are ignorant and very simple minded just today they discovered a planet like ours which can sustain life, also alot of your ideas here are quite fun too try if i ever don’t black out i’d try to shake hands and make contact then i’d ask for knowledge if they had a translation device but my top priority now is to help some people design a new engine sytem which will make space travel faster well cya ^-^
May 17th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
i think putting on a pudding on your head works best.Wjen aliens tried to abduct me,they saw the pudding and ran off screaming ”The Lord Of The Many Custards has arrived to kill us all”
June 5th, 2007 at 11:30 am
yes. i’ve had multiple relations with aliens. some male.. some female… some i’m not too sure. uhm overall, they werent too bad. pretty nice. pretty tender. pretty large. fairly bony.. (that makes for an occasionally painful moment.) but all in all, nothing beats human meat.
And excuse me, Mr. Lionel Buxton Humbridge… aliens most certainly DO understand the concept of love. Just because YOU’VE never gotten any action, doesn’t mean they are incapable of giving/understanding it. Aliens are very pleasurable. They also have good taste, this being why they’ve never chosen you.
thankyou to the whoever started this webpage… i laughed so hard.
June 5th, 2007 at 11:38 am
studies have shown the aliens are fatally attracted to men in tutu’s
ballerina’s of the male gender have a 300% increase in probable abduction.
the only solution is to rid this world of male wimps, basically any man who feels the need to dress up like a woman should be given to the aliens as a token of peace…
therefore ridding ourselves of this nieusence forever!
sorry Rami 3ISSA you will be sorely missed.
June 5th, 2007 at 11:40 am
hey… i wear a tutu… SHIT!
July 22nd, 2007 at 8:56 am
im scared of the first picture:’
July 22nd, 2007 at 9:01 am
have any of you seen alien abductoin the mcpherson story
August 1st, 2007 at 7:20 pm
these whole thing about aliens is shit…and total shit…i believe in aliens when i was a kid because i got to know that i don’t have families here on earth but rather on the alien planet…as at now…i am hiding under a stone somewhere in Egypt,i only come out in the night to feed on girls….so we aliens are really true…foolish website which is talking about the great family…. i actually miss the saucer when it was ready to leave…i was dating a girl in Egypt by that time…so i was left behind….i have to wait for the next 2000 years for my brothers to come and pick me….van legend
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:36 pm
Aliens?….. They are here. They have been here for quite awile now. I only say this because I have personally met one., and seen numerous others. They are hiding in plain sight. They co-exist among us in virtual harmony. They take whatever job they deem appropriate to them. If you want to spot one….take a bus ride…any public transit will sufice. You can easily spot them by the symetry in thier eyes. Thier inability to replicate human genetic chaos is going to be the key to thier uncovering…that and this “Humbrige’s” genetic profile. When someone accidentally finds his ciggy butt near a horrific crime scene and runs a DNA test….The Perverbial Jig…Is Up!
August 14th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
help! my friend and i know this girl who we know is an ailen, we need serious protection. i think my friend has already been abducted, but she can’t remember. I DON’T WANT TO BE ABDUCTED!
August 18th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
is that true??????????
August 21st, 2007 at 7:37 am
wow ive never been abducted before but i wanted to be to see inside a space ship it would be cool i belive aliens are peacfull and alot like humans so ive always wanted to meet one HOW DO I GET ABDUCTED!!! p.s i dont live in america a ilve in england if its any help plz help me
August 29th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Aliens abducted me and they touched me in places
There is nordic aliens and The Greys
also there is Reptilians and the chupacabra
August 30th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
nobody will help you james cause i think that aliens are impossible …how did they build the space shipif they don’t have things in there planets?ha?i belive but i think it’s not true
August 30th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
well i think that if i look in there eyes i will see myself…just like a miror
August 31st, 2007 at 11:56 pm
ALIENS DO NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!
OKAY? SO STOP FREAKING PEOPLE OUT!!!!!!
September 11th, 2007 at 5:48 am
aliens do exist, i should know, i am one, i come from planet AJ940-O7.
September 11th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
i sam an alien space ship over a a grammer skool in england.it was a triangle and had 3 bright lights,I HAVE ALSO SEEN IT ABOUT 30 TIMES OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW AND IT IS NO TOP SECRET GOVERMENT THING COS THESE THINGS ARE RAPID .BELIVE ME I AM NOT BULLSHITIN! THEY EXIST!
September 14th, 2007 at 10:32 am
i am an alien and im coming for all of you
im not scared of fucking vacuum cleaners
im coming to stick a probe up all of you
it will hurt
be afaid be very afraid
September 14th, 2007 at 10:46 am
im fat and gay and aliens abducted me and touched me
it felt gooooooooooooood i had sex with a male alien.
they raped me
arent you jelous
they come for me every week i just cant wait
2morrow is when they come
woop woop
im in for a night of pleasure
September 22nd, 2007 at 1:13 pm
aliens are fags hahah
September 29th, 2007 at 8:53 am
actually, i have proof that aliens are indeed human. there are many factors to consider:
their astonishing likeness to a human. two arms, two legs, two eye’s, two ears (small holes on side of head), a nose and so on. human kind through time has evolved from cro masonic to neandathal to homo erectus then homo sapien. just like aliens they have evolved… FROM US. in the future humans will have no need for muscles as everything will be computer automated. humans will have no need for many things hence the physical mutation in evolution.
technology has evolved as well, 200 years ago mankind had no computers and cars where not even a concept. 100 years ago mankind was contemplating flight, 50 years ago mankind went to the moon for the first time and 10 years ago the mobile phone changed the world. in 100 years time mankind may go to marz, 200 years from now we may have anti matter and anti gravity. proof= the male hormone in reproduction is shrinking. the chromosones of the female are more and more dominant and soon within 250 years sciantists and doctors predict only female births will be possible…. and the animal “cow” holds a special gene called “dyflaxis” (look it up if you dont believe me)… dyflaxis is the name given to a type of dna structure that can artificially create the cromosone needed for male births. hence the cow mutilations… our future selves are extracting the dna needed to reproduce.
maybe as time goes on mankind will find a way to test stephen hawkings ideas on space time continuim theory. we may find a way to travel through time. mankind is always interested in history and archiology. aliens are simply FUTURE HUMANS COME BACK TO RECEARCH THEIR PRIMITIVE FORM. that is why they have not been violent or hostile yet!
think of it as……. a man from the year 2006 going back to visit a man from 1776. it would be the most scariest alien thing to them.
i know they are real and i welcome an abduction. i want to see what mankind evolves into. or perhaps through radiation from a possible nuclear war fallout the sky is scorched reducing sunlight hence the big eye’s. and we evolve by our surroundings.
October 10th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
ailens do exist i think they abduct people but not one out of six i think there helpers of god or something taking the good to heaven so no the people on here saying “i have got abducted”
i think are lying
November 18th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
Ha.
May 18th, 2008 at 1:41 am
okay so use tin foil hats to protect you from aleins who will read your brain waves. also their skin is not used to the unuaual climate they arent used to humidity this could harm their skin. high pitch sounds can also harm their sensitive hearing.
chances are if theya re in your room hovering over you is that you are going to be ubducted.
do not try to fuss, but chances are that you are alredy paralized. adn if you arent and you fight back
you may come back with missing genetalia.
they also are probbly tracking you
so you will meet again.
good luck.
January 31st, 2009 at 8:27 pm
I the first couple of lines you have mentioned, “According to recent research released by the National Institutes of Health, one in six Americans has been abducted by aliens from outer space.”….. Is it true? Do aliens exist?
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:06 am
What does it mean when before you go to sleep or shot your eyes , you see an image of a white with long black elien yes??I saw that tow days ago. Can anyone tell me what that means?? and if I’m actually beeing abducted by them?? I need an answer than you.
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I shall just assume you guys are experts on aliens and know all about them, even though you have no hard evidence, data, etc. So whatever, right?
May 25th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I believe in aliens and I’m 10 i KNOW they exist they killed my 7 year old brother you don’t know what its like to watch your brother die.No one else believes me, i also know i was abducted because one night when i was 4 i remember seeing creters lifting me out of bed, a year later i noticed i could see the future.I also noticed huge bruises i and my family could not explain.My mom gave me thiere that aliens are actually humans but were mutated from rateation from when stars exsplode and they just abduct people to find a way to turn back into humans and when they kill us it’s just an acsidentd i believe my mom but also don’t believe at the same time I’m 10 and believe. lol
May 29th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
i herd a loud scweel and i woke up at 2 a.m. in themorning and supprizingly i saw an alien and it tried to take me away and i just punched it in the nuts and it scweeled and ran out of my room and i herd a loud bang and i looked outside then it looked at me with an evil look on face and was pointing at me like the evil monkey on family guy and it had sharp teath and it ran to me and bit me in the nuts and i kicked it in the nuts and it flew across the yard and ran away screeming.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
onc there were 1000000000000000090080070006000 in my backyard and i went in my baxkyard and i,m ceres and i saw it hapin and now i,m in the hospitle and i,m writeing this on my loptop i can,t talck write now i aftoo get sergery on my titey.
June 1st, 2009 at 3:03 pm
wow… You guys are fucking stupid… aliens don’t exist… and if they did don’t you think we would have seen pictures of actual aliens and not people wearing costumes and makeup… like seriously how stupid can you be… there is no real evidence anywhere… no matter how hard you try to find it.
June 7th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Well for you people that don’t beleave is just plain DUMB ok i have seen lots of them flying around in U.F.O’s so please not post if your beleaver’s
June 7th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Well i’v seen a alien before he touched me on the fanny and my tits it felt so good oooooooh i can feel it just right now uh
June 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 am
i have no idea if this is good for anybody but.im a beliver.and also it waslike 3-5 yrs ago and i had woke up and i was scared so i was going into my grandmals room(i lived with her at the time)and i looked down the hall and saw this creaure that looked like an alien and it indeed saw me and we looked at each other for about 30 seconds before it left but itgave me a look that said we indeed is here i have no idea what it was going to do but itwas there and i know what i saw.but yout don’t have to believe me because it was like 3-4 in the morning maybe i imagined it maybe i didn’t?
June 22nd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
hi me gain um there was this one time i was playing a game at daycare and i was bout to duck cause someone though a rock at me and it hit me and then i see black i open my eyes and see blood, luckily i didn’t have it bad ( it is now a scar )but that night i awoke to a sudden crash and opened my eyes and saw a alien then it touched my scar and my scar started to heal but then the alien diapered and i lie there in bed.In the morning i go look mirror and scar almost completely gone.
June 22nd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
wait let me quote “FUTURE HUMANS COME BACK TO RECEARCH THEIR PRIMITIVE FORM.” so does that mean that the alien that healed part of my scar is a futer person that my great great grandperson might know?!
July 4th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
what i think people should do if they get abuducted is run around naked on the ship. possibly the aliens will be afraid of size of your boobs, stomach, or penis. they may just drop you off in time square, naked and all.
July 4th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
seriously people, this site is just to be dumb or funny. I don’t believe in aliens, I’m pretty sure something would have happened to prove it to us. For those of you atheists, I am gonna quote the Bible. It says, “In the beginning God created the heavens and the world.” It didn’t say heavens and the worldssssssss… we never can know.
July 4th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
oh i once got abducted. the aliens started to dissect my chinchilla. I screamed and they turned and said, ‘Rnda haeu meow, jedi, vader, jhei.’ THEN MY NIPPLES STARTED TO BURN LIKE CRAZY!!!!!!!!
July 18th, 2009 at 9:59 am
This is retarded. The yammering of an intellectually stunted parrot mind.
Have you no inclination to work? your minds are faltering in the smoke & haze.
Your arrogance is an obtuse atrocity that need be disregarded and promptly thrown into the nearest dung pile. if one isn’t available then make one just for the occasion.
“It is no wonder your god wants to step on you.”
now you may commence with your mental masturbation.
July 21st, 2009 at 4:46 am
my name is joel where did u find it? what did it looked like? is it relly a alien? what is your name?
July 21st, 2009 at 4:49 am
my name is joel im 8
July 21st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
is it relly a alien
July 28th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
what you mean is it really an alien?!I’m 10.
August 19th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Monkey A-A
{. .} ——\
moo!! (o o) —-W-}\__#
!! !!
!! !!
vv vv
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
August 19th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
GAYS
August 26th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I’M NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!SO SHUT UP. AND I WOULD CUSS BUT I’M 10 SO YOUR A SON OF A TURTLE
September 6th, 2009 at 11:27 am
LMFAO!!! SOme of these are great!! But seriously, just 1) Clear yer mind , and 2) tell em you don’t wanna go. and also 3) the Hoover and crystals just might do the trick. Go in peace. (LOL)
September 17th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
You know what creepedd me out last night?I was reading and i heard a noise.Its like a ruslting in the bushes i like freeze up( i do that when i’m scared) i’m not joking an dthe next thing i know my tooth falls out lol i think it funny an scary in a way.and i found my pet birds dead that morning.WIERD!
October 11th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
i think all humans should die! Aliens rule! Zygos rules! way to go 2012!
October 11th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
i think humans are so stupid that they should just all die! i’m so glad 2012 is coming. Atleast aliens can take over this beautiful world. I love aliens. I wish to marry one. Humans aren’t worth getting married to.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
aliens are only mine! i luv them more than my life! All of you humans go die, you ugly chimps! Take a long look at yourself in the mirror. There is no human in this world that is as pretty or handsome as an alien. Aliens are good-looking, intelligent, and destroyers of humans. That’s the kind of husband I want!
October 12th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I agree with the last 3 comments.I measn think alien then think human, which one wins an which one loases in the finally battle?!?!?!?! ALIENS!!}|
October 15th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
I really would love to marry an alien i mean they smarter then us and a lot more handsome/pretty.I would just lve for 2012 to come and then an alien could take me away!
i would love that.
October 26th, 2009 at 2:25 am
all aliens are gay!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 12th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
OK if they so gay why the frick do no-belivers, come here?I mean, if u not like it then go away fricken loser.
November 27th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I was abducted by what appeared to be a cross between 80’s Michael Jackson and Liza Minnelli….The night began like this…….It was 4.30am, I had passed out in front of a raging log fire in the front room of my trailer if fact it was also the kitchen and bedroom (sometimes toilet) there’s only one room so it’s very convenient. I awoke to a rumbling the whole of my abode was shaking and it felt like the walls were crushing around me, like a drunken god smashing a beer can, as suddenly as it started it was over then BANG!! Bright lights filled the trailer partially blinding me, the log fire at one point roaring was out the lights gone…..It was in darkness…..but I wasn’t scared…I wasn’t scared at all, then the scuttling started all around me I could hear what sounded like rats running through a steel tube…I was knocked to the floor from the darkness a small hand grabbed my ankle then my wrist till I was pinned down to the floor except…wait a sec….this isn’t my floor…where’s the beer cans….the half eaten pizza I was saving for later….I’d been taken….and with that all my clothes were ripped from my body….the feel of smooth cool steel against my bottom and shoulders….as my eyes began to adjust to the darkness I could make out 4 5 no 7 80’s Michael Jackson and Liza Minnelli kind of creacher, 4 of whom were holding me down, one was standing over my head exposing his genitaila in plain sight and the other two were pointing to my bottom! Then I spotted it….the device that still gives me the shakes, like an alcoholic with no wine left. The Device was shaped like a cigar and then set upon me like Bill Clinton on Monica Lewinsky (we all know what he did with the cigar!) The blackness starts the creep in again then roars in………I pass out.
It’s 7.30, in the middle of O’Neal’s pub in Wimbledon high Street, I haven’t a single item of clothing on and everyone is staring at me, without saying a word I walk out in to the busy high street confused and in pain walking like John Wayne I try to get back to my trailer….I never make it back.
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 am
I killed yesterday 2 aliens by playing a children card game known as Yugioh. It was really funny.
December 10th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I hereby deem all of you really fuckin retarded, the relevance of alien existence shouldnt be discussed on this shitty site. and for you people that think your aliens. slit your own throat and if your alive after that, drown yourself in the toilet after taking a shit.. your obviously fucking insane. quit wasting everyone’s time, and yeah…2012 isn’t real. have fun rotting in hell.
December 14th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Hoping it might stick to some people man, threads are coming very repetitive around here
December 31st, 2009 at 11:23 am
you are a tomate head
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