With Regular Commentator Lemuel LeBratt

This week’s Slow Torture Tutorial with LeMuel LeBratt has been indefinitely postponed. This week we offer you a replacement column instead, authored by Mrs. Marcia Mountbatten, Esq. Mrs. Esq. is a famous expert and knower of all things mechanical.

In this column, Mrs. Esq. will instruct you on how to construct a mechanical automaton and perhaps also how to make it function. This automaton will be able, with little effort, to maintain the appearance of the home, yard and vestibule.

It will perform laundering tasks, of both clothing and money. Our mechanical automaton will function as your own personal in-home certified public accountant and banker. Feel free to leave your money with him.

Also explored in this week’s column, how a mechanical automaton can service you, including: oral sexual relations, anal sexual relations and other forms of physical pleasure.

STEP ONE

Conversely, we will also explore how your new mechanistical man will be able to slowly torture your political enemies, personal enemies and neighbours. Pesky problems will vanish instantaneously with torture!

Never before seen images of the nefarious, home constructed being will be shown to you, along with easy to follow instructional panels relating to construction and maintenance.

Well, we hope you enjoyed this month’s “How To Column,” be sure to check back next month when regular commentator LeMuel LeBratt returns from his vacation in the beautiful land of Esperon.

STEP TWO: PROJECT COMPLETE