How to Do It with LeMuel LeBratt
with Permanent Guest Columnist Marcia Spatzelberg

Everyone enjoys listening to the music of a talented symphony orchestra. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to listen to that music when you are away from a concertorium or dance hall? Sure, record players are now available and they will allow you to listen to the works of great orchestralist composers in your own domicile, but such players do not offer the option of portable playback. Wouldn’t it be great if you could listen to your favorite arrangements of music when you were out walking, shopping or passing the time on a cable car? Now it is possible! Just follow these easy steps and you will be on the go. On the go with music, that is.

What you’ll need:

• 1 record player or hi-fi system
• 2 loudspeakers
• 1 scissors
• 16 feet of stereo cable
• 1 bridle harness or other small collection of leather straps (make sure it fits comfortably around your head)
• 1 set of clamps or pliers
• 1 straight razor (with handle)
• 1 car battery
• 1 roll of duct tape
• 2 lemon fruities

1. First, locate the power cord on your record player. It should be the cord-shaped whatsit exiting the back of the player and terminating in a pronged bit. Cut off the prong bit off using the scissors and use the straight razor to strip off approximately two inches of the plastic covering. Separate the two wires.

2. Wrap the wires around the terminals of the car battery. Clamp them down and use clips if necessary. Some car batteries feature screw caps on the terminals for ease in securing wires. Discard these.

3. Secure the speaker cables to the record player’s output terminals. Clamp them into the input lines of the loud speakers.

4. Attach the loudspeakers to the bridle harness and tighten it around your head so that the speakers are facing in toward your ears.

5. Tape the car battery to the side of the record player.

6. Unwrap your lemon fruities.

Yes, it’s that easy. Now just pick up the record player, put on your favorite disc and then strut down your local street in style with a cool, portable soundtrack to accompany you and your lemon fruities. Have fun.