Fifty Reasons Why the World is A Dangerous Place

1. Poorly maintained bathyscaphes.
2. Mid-air collisions at crowded air shows.
3. Pennies on railroad tracks.
4. Annoyed cobras.
5. Monsters.
6. The A-10 “Warthog.”
7. Badly translated band saw instruction manuals.
8. Non-pasteurized dairy products.
9. Bugs who lay eggs in people’s brains.
10. Cross-eyed marksmen.
12. Agnostic extremists.
13. That stuff that leaked into the water table.
14. Expired mayonnaise.
15. Psychos who sneak razor blades into Christmas candy.
16. Tornadoes.
17. Flammable pajamas.
18. Grenades with unexpectedly short fuses.
19. Exploding bats.
20. Committees planning things.
21. Drunk teenagers with automobiles, for that matter, regular teenagers with automobiles.
22. Outlaw regimes seeking weapons of medium-grade destruction (WMGDs).
23. Housewives inadvertently mixing ammonia and bleach.
24. Africanized European honeybees from Asia.
25. The gods of Olympus who use we mortals as their playthings.
26. The many ways human necks can detrimentally deviate from their intended position.
27. Adults. Especially if they’re serious.
28. Entropy.
29. Vast swarms of two-toed sloths searching for their neckties.
30. The instinct for self-preservation.
31. Pastimes involving the use of blunt and/or sharp objects in conjunction with alcohol.
32. Any of the solutions for economic equality.
33. Any amount of intelligence and intense boredom.
34. Realists.
35. Original sin.
36. Messages of Potential + Children = Disgruntled Middle Management
37. Camouflage as fashion.
38. Reptiles.
39. Iceland. Just think about it.
40. Cats locked in rooms filled with double-sided tape.
41. Acronyms and abbreviations.
42. Humidors that only lock from the outside.
43. Inappropriately-sized dowels.
44. Brave journalists.
45. Heraldic imagery of flamingos.
46. Carnivorous grass.
47. Illegal Asteroids
48. Rabbit evolution.
49. Increased reliance on non-internal memory-retrieval mechanisms.
50. Angels and demons fighting a prolonged war for the souls of humanity in a substanceless dominance game whose winner is supposedly preördained and whose end conditions are amorphous at best.

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