Lesser Known Quotes from the Well Known

From the Tome by DAVE GHANA

“A can of WD-40 is your best defense against squeaky hinges”
-Maralyn Monroe

“Today I feel like a sleep machine.”
-Sir James Brown

“Tasmania is ours, too?”
-John Howard (Australian Prime Minister)

“Move it 20 spans that way.”
-Khufu

“Seek the lower road lest ye be sought upon the left one.”
-St. Paul

“Pound the metal. Pound the metal. Pound the metal!”
-Admiral Zheng He (Last Words)

“On your life, underestimating the proclivities of finches is likely to lead to great internal hemorrhaging.”
-Charles Darwin

“Hmm…that’s a good one.”
-Will Rogers

“I said the green sash, moron.”
-Emilio Zapata

“Yes, you do need to see my identification.”
-Sir Alec Guiness (1991 traffic stop)

“Stabbing them with a spear might work.”
-Shaka Zulu

“What does Bindusara want this time, clean sheets?”
-Ashoka the Great (Upon being called back from exile.)

“Oxford shirts. Definitely more oxford shirts.”
-Mao Zedong

“Hey buddy, can I get a leg up?”
-Napoleon Bonaparte

“Avalanches of potatoes, rivers of vodka, fusillades of borscht. Your destruction comes!”
-Nikita Kruschev

“I still think Ned Beatty should’ve played Don Corleone.”
-Francis Ford Coppola

“And don’t forget to load the couscous.”
-Richard I (On his retreat from Palestine.)

“Eventually they run out of bullets.”
-General Hideki Tojo

“I keep the pornographic stuff in a bus station locker.”
-Norman Rockwell

“If you pick a pineapple in the morning, you’re sure to have a Yankee sniffing your pants in the afternoon.”
-King Kamehameha

“By any means necessary.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I don’t know how to say it either.”
-Ernesto Guevara

“15 concubines ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at.”
-Gary Coleman

“It’s just a dirty rock.”
-Cecil John Rhodes

“Numberless times have I told you that ostrich feathers applied to a
small boy’s behind will not create the desired effect.”
-Tiberius

“Splendid is the court of Kublai Khan, with anal cleaning papers for all.”
-Marco Polo

“Can I please have 50 cents?”
-John F. Kennedy

“If the replanting plan of the north Essex grasslands goes forth, all will
pay dearly the price of that emerald weed.”
-Winston Churchill

“I think a robot could knock out Cassius Clay”
-Isaac Asimov

“Tight pants are just uncomfortable.”
-Samuel Longhorn Clemens

“If I could have three wishes, one would be to take an ’88 and shove that barrel up Hitler’s ass so that cocksucker can cry like the little god-damned girl he is. And hell, after that, I wouldn’t need two more wishes.”
-General George Patton

Dave Ghana is head of the Custodial Department’s Mopping Division at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration’s Huntsville Space Center.