The Story of the Search for the Legendary Source of Human Apathy

In the Summer of 1965, 14 brothers, six cousins, two fathers and seven unrelated persons set out on an expedition to find the source of all human apathy. While the sources of both human suffering and human joy were discovered previously (in 1957 and 1959 in a pawn shop in Brooklyn, New York and a used car lot in Spokane, respectively) the source of apathy had not been discovered yet.

No less than 12 expeditions had been led earlier. Sir Roger Humphries led seven expeditions between 1919 and 1947, at the cost of more than forty thousand lives and six billion dollars. Nothing ever came of them. Three of the remaining five expeditions were never heard from again. Two made a thorough search of various likely locations and made it back safely, one each led by Roseanne Malfrey and Palmer Agonistes, but discovered nothing.

Setting the unrealistic goal of discovering the source of apathy in three months, the Copper family of Buques Neck, Belgium wandered several likely regions of the earth. They had worked exhaustively for the last six years researching old tales of apathy and disinterest as far back as the Neolithic age.

Many members of the expedition, all non-relatives, died in the atolls of the Pacific, the Punjab, Elk Horn, Iowa, and Central Africa.

The rest of the expedition, made up entirely of Copper family members, then proceeded to build a functioning space vehicle, win the X-Prize and continue into space to find leads left by ancient visitors in South America.

This is not their story.

This week we bring you a wonderful recipe for Hungarian Goulash. It comes straight from someone I met on the street yesterday, an itinerant recipe salesman!

You will need the following ingredients. Please follow the instructions after this ingredient list. Cooking these ingredients in any fashion other than those directions listed below could result in a non-goulash dish being prepared.

• 5 lbs. beef shin
• 1 cup paprika
• 4 large onions, diced
• 2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
• 1 cup fat from top of brown stock, melted
• 8 each Idaho potatoes, peeled and diced
• 2 1/2 qts. brown beef stock
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 F.

You must absolutely cut the beef shin in a diced fashion which is large. Roll it in the paprika and put to the side for later.

Dice the onions and garlic and roll them in paprika too. Everything should be in paprika! Put on the fat! No, put the fat over the beef and onions and garlic, silly.

You should put it in the oven. Do not be alarmed if sizzling and noise comes from oven. This happens during cooking.

Put browned meat and diced potatoes in pot for boiling. Also put beef stock. Skim off nastiness as it occurs.

Put in cooling mechanism overnight. In the morning there should be a plug of fat on top. Take this out and give to the homeless or farm animals.

Reheat goulash.

Serve over noodles or spaetzel. You now have goulash.

Suggested Wine: Beer