Fifty Beautiful Things

1. Cannibal chimpanzees.
2. Maggots eating a carcass.
3. The idea of my teeth shattering.
4. The eons-long dominance of the dinosaurs ended by a dumb rock.
5. People doing the Electric Slide.
6. The pain when you get a plantar wart wet.
7. Man-made holes where a forest once was.
8. The desperation of indie rock bands.
9. Floating plastic bags.
10. Coprolites.
11. Drazi.
12. Love Canal.
13. Mutually assured destruction.
14. People forgetting about you when you’re dead.
15. Greedy industrialists who get away with everything.
16. Unidentifiable stains on mattresses.
17. Biopsy procedures.
18. Severely conjoined twins.
19. Polyps of any sort.
20. Josef Stalin.
21. Mercury poisoning.
22. Burning tires on a foggy night.
23. That green stripe of algae you see on the wall at low tide.
24. A pigeon eating a chicken wing.
25. An endless array of oil refineries stretching to the horizon.
26. The smile on a widow’s face.
27. Filthy teddy bears in the toy bin at Salvation Army.
28. R. Lee Ermy’s eyebrows.
29. Second hand bedpans.
30. A senile man who asks me for pancakes.
31. The floor of a taxi cab.
32. Extremely large envelopes.
33. Hot air balloons full of rabid wolverines.
34. Free market capitalism.
35. The Mark of Cain.
36. Salt-Alum pelt tanning
37. The smell of a wet rail way bridge.
38. A bowl full of iron shavings.
39. Two nuns bathing in mashed potatoes.
40. Metric rulers.
41. The sound of a million bees stinging an old mule.
42. A pile of rusted hammers.
43. Brain dead Amish children.
44. A totally hot chick with a black eye.
45. Others’ misfortune.
46. The food no one wants at a buffet.
47. My dreams about cartilage.
48. Generic unscented industrial air freshener.
49. Paper bags full of burned out light bulbs.
50. Jennifer Morrison.

One comment

  • June 26, 2006 - 6:47 pm | Permalink

    How is it that out of fifty beautiful things, #17, #19, #21, #28, #32, and #50 have all been featured in the TV show House?

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