The Middle of the Atlantic Ocean- A funny thing happened to me on the way to Bermuda. You see, I was supposed to go to Bermuda to check out the local fishing industry. They catch quite a few wolf-man crabs around there, which I guess they shouldn’t call fishing, since crabs aren’t fish, but ah well, what are you gonna do? Nothing probably.

To get to Bermuda I booked a ticket for this cruise ship called The Splendor of Norway. It was totally nice and even had a lido deck. I have no idea what a lido is or why it needs its own deck, but still, it had a lido deck. We set sail from Miami on a Friday and the weather was all nice and sunny. That first day, after stowing my supplies in my room, I hit the deck and stretched out on a chair there to catch some rays.

Later, I made out with this guy I met at the buffet. There had to be three types of chowder and a guy who cut up the roast beef for you right there at the buffet table. It was a nice buffet, probably the fourth best buffet I’ve ever eaten at. No nachos though. I was having so much fun and we still had two days left till we reached Bermuda.

Okay, this is where it gets weird. It turns out there’s this three sided area called the Bermuda Triangle. I’d never even heard of it until The Splendor of Norway was halfway through it. And of course, wouldn’t you guess, the entire ship disappeared. Totally, it just vanished. Luckily I had had too many tequilas and had fallen overboard right before it blinked out of existence.

Fortunately a few bits of the ship survived, including a life raft which I took. There was a radio on board, but I couldn’t pick up any stations on it, there was some talk, but no good music or anything. It was solar powered. Neat. After a bit I got hungry so I unthreaded part of my shirt into a long string and made a hook out of my key ring. Yep, I caught some fish and ate them raw, just like sushi. Later, I drank some rain water.

Finally I got rescued by some passing Japanese fishermen. I don’t really know what Japanese fishermen were doing in the Atlantic. Though I did ask them if catching crabs was really fishing. They said it wasn’t at all. They said it was called crabbing. Just goes to show you that people in Bermuda don’t know what they’re talking about. Now, it’s Monday and I’m headed back to civilization. If you happen to spot The Splendor of Norway, you should alert the Coast Guard, and should you see that guy from the buffet table, give him my number okay.

Katie Stalin is an inquisitive girl and holds the record for the world’s prettiest ping-pong player. Her appetite for nachos is insatiable and she loves to collect interesting looking protractors.