Fifty Interesting Things About Elizabethia

  1. The Rorschach Pop-Up Book
  2. St. Mertel’s nuclear-powered wind mill.
  3. Native Tim Wright was the first man to dispute the fact that Saturn has rings.
  4. Famed Lithuanian explorer Herich Lembrul was born there (yes, he’s from Splatonville).
  5. Quasi-immortality serum.
  6. Pornstar Moishe Lembelbach is an Elizabethian.
  7. The ratio of stuff to things in Elizabethia is exactly ?.
  8. Clitoral enhancement surgery was pioneered in Elizabethia.
  9. Sturdy, particle-board chairs.
  10. The nation’s only statute on polyamorous inheritance.
  11. Plastic, imitation, non-functional corn-cob pipes.
  12. High-speed wireless salamander communication.
  13. The top-selling Barenaked Ladies Live at Shermer’s Hardware Store was recorded live at Shermer’s Hardware Store in Macormick.
  14. America’s largest strip mall is located along all 75 miles of Elizabethia State Highway 5.
  15. The Patunxet Meteorite Crater is, at 1 meter wide, the state’s largest crater.
  16. John Quincy Adams’ conception place, also the state’s oldest pub.
  17. The Northeast’s only 1:1 human body exhibit: Elbert Jenkins.
  18. The Elizabethia Governor’s Mansion is the only Governor’s Mansion made entirely from maple and oatmeal.
  19. Owensville’s Amputee Emporium.
  20. Elizabethia has the highest concentration of benches per capita in the world at 423 per person.
  21. Radiohead lead singer Thom Yorke performed more shows in Elizabethia on his solo tour than in any other geographic area recognized by the U.S. Census Bureau.
  22. The International Framing Olympics is held throughout the state every five years.
  23. Elizabethia is in the top six states by riding lawnmower ownership.
  24. World’s third oldest umbrella testing area outside Hommetsboro.
  25. Famous Wade’s sells bottle rockets two for a penny.
  26. The “Slow, Children at Play” sign was first introduced on Mayfair St. (also in Splatonville).
  27. Blackbeard’s beard comb can be viewed at the Maritime Museum (currently on tour).
  28. The state’s lowest point is underwater.
  29. Though fictional Mayberry was set in the neighboring state of North Carolina, the gas pumps from Gomer’s were imported from Elizabethia.
  30. The character of The T-1000 was based on former Elizabethian governor Diamond “Diamond Mitch” German.
  31. Pocket shrews are such a nuisance for Elizabethian farmers that the branded rattler was introduced to keep them in check. It failed.
  32. Though the four-pronged electrical outlet failed to catch on, they’re still used in 24% of Raffeyville homes.
  33. Abbotstown features the only shark-themed bowling alley on the entire Eastern Seaboard.
  34. The X-Files episode “Bump in the Night” featured Elizabethia resident Betty Hargrove in the key role of “Patient #3.”
  35. Instead of using the words “perhaps” or “maybe,” locals tend to say “may’hap.” This may startle many visitors.
  36. Until 1981 Elizabethians had a series of fourteen different positions for mailbox flags, allowing for greater communication than the standard binary system popular throughout the country.
  37. Ghender is known throughout the South East as the “Blind Date Capital of the South East.”
  38. On his way to Mexico City, the exiled Trotsky had a brief lay-over in Elizabethia, where he ironically purchased several icepicks.
  39. The Ummer Pantworks in Fester produces more pleats in one day than Europe produces in eight years.
  40. Triften is the only city in America that does not fall under any designated ZIP code.
  41. Thompson Elementary School is celebrated as the “Home of Homework.”
  42. Brandenburg, EL’s gate is rather different from its German counterpart.
  43. Elizabethian lobsters tend to be, on average, slightly bluer than those from Maine.
  44. The excellent 230 area code.
  45. In 1995 the state ban on ADP was lifted, finally allowing for cellular respiration.
  46. The Braynard Family Restaurant serves seven kinds of custard.
  47. Catatawa River Site manufactures Uranium PU-36 for use in space modulators.
  48. Milk is taxed at an astounding rate of three hours of community service per gallon.
  49. Deep, deep spoons for maximum soup intake.
  50. Elizabethia is nice.

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