A Simple Guide to Underestimating Carrots

1. Draw up a list of your estimate of the basic attributes of a carrot. Then, lower those values by 98%.
2. Consult with a highly qualified carrot expert. Mockingly disregard his or her statements.
3. Find every book or peer-reviewed journal article about carrots. Don’t bother reading them.
4. Set up a scale for carrots as follows; 1-2 extremely poor, 3-4 markedly poor, 5-6 ridiculously poor. Roll a six sided die and let that stand as your determined carrot value.
5. Laugh mockingly at them while cackling that carrots could never defeat you. Then get defeated.
6. Draw up a completely fool-proof plan for destroying all carrots, but leave out one crucial piece of information.
7. Miss the average vitamin A content of a carrot by 3%.
8. Make a special rule where each inch mark is actually at the 2 and 3/8th inch mark. Then measure several carrots and record their lengths.
9. Look at a field full of carrots. Guess three.
10. Ask someone to name the best thing about carrots. When they give their answer, disagree with them.
11. Confuse carrots with seals.

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