For Rent
Several “For Sale” signs in very poor condition. Some missing the “s.”
P.O. Box 34-3
New Island, OI
111111
Lost
Left testicle. If found, please return to:
James Inchoate
c/o Alabama State Farming Cooperative
Mobile, AL 36612
Town Hall
Lower Grunding City Council Festival
Sub-Committee is having preliminary hearings on the reintroduction of the Bacon Festival.
For Sale
30 gallons of lake water. $50, non-negotiable. Noel’s boat house
Lake Murray right next
to the Free Plastic Bottle Depot.
For Sale
Seven earrings, four nose rings, 13 nipple rings, two navel rings, three lobe plugs, two ampallang rings and one septum ring. I just turned 33 and realized how stupid that all was.
Nate, 707-252-0990
Free!
Come on by and pick out anything you’d like, except for my girlfriend. I’d like to keep her.
Gerald Leon 25 Saint St.
For Sale
I’ve invented the 3 wheel car and it can be yours for a song!
$4779
May dip to the left.
Seeking
Really anyone.
Pets
Stoned centipede with an image problem. Free to good home with no birds.
Medical Study
If you are depressed, sexually dysfunctional, plagued and ugly, we’re conducting a new clinical trial studying the effects of morbid people like you on perfectly happy and healthy people. Send applications to Centre Medical Center, attn: Tony Lazarius, Mobile, AL.
For Sale
One extra-small molecule, features hydrogen, oxygen, carbon and extra special atom of germanium. Must be used for cheesecake making purposes only. Only. €50 per gross or best offer. Call Tammile at my phone number.
For Sale
Non-bullet proof vest. Will fail to protect you from bullets, shells or cannon balls. Made of corduroy. $4.00. Comes in blue or slightly darker blue. Box 401, Sweden.
Found
Right ventricle. Found in ditch on Highway 9.
I’m not giving it back.
For Sale
Jupiter. Features several cloud layers and a very faintly visible ring. Red storm cloud resembles an angry eye. $5 billion or will trade for equivalent in asteroids. Bob at 413-1820-281982-1.
For Sale
Slightly used football, somewhat deflated. Once looked at by Pope Fabian IV. ¥5,000,000 to good home only.
For Lease
My eyeballs. I will look at whatever you want for only $20.00 a week. Let me see whatever you want and I’ll describe it for you with vivid details.
Tommy McMagnus. Box 021A
For Sale
Gigantic, fifty foot tall duck/monkey hybrid. Free half-finished can of deodorant included.Call Tony Blair, 10 Downing Street, London SW1.
For Sale
Swiss Cheese. Buy it now.
Toby, 718-293-2873.
Opportunity
India Based Limited Organization and Doing Business with U.S. and European clients since last over 5 years successfully. This we do you might know about. We call you later.
Wanted
Method of selling tattoos. I just turned 33 and realized how stupid my tattoos are. Call and we can talk.
Nate, 707-252-0990
For Rent
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is people will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that if a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Find more ideas at John’s Idea Bucket, corner of Mex and Lab Ave.
Wanted
Used Organotron 5440 with optional lausander mechanism. Will offer top dollar. That means I really want it.
Call Drim at 933-013-2222
For Sale
Cork of all kinds. Light cork, medium light cork, medium dark cork and dark cork. Great at parties and for boards.
Cork Amalgamated Warehouse
3 Lancaster Lane.
Monnaggassaheeatta, MV
For Rent
Choose life, choose liberty, choose my fabulous dog igloo. No longer have a dog, so you can rent it from me.
Jon, 453-097-2222
For Sale
Last American box bearing the term “tin foil” on front.
212-299-3596
For Ale
Seven old boxes of frogs in various states; some pickled, others stuffed. Also dirty magazines. All of these I will trade for ale. Any type of ale. Come and get a great deal on frogs and porno mags.
Call Lance Hutterwatten, Pinhole Flats, Platha.