It was a an early day and though a haze seemed to break the sunlight into a thousand intimate shards, a glow of beauty hung about the city as Dirk Benedict and I strolled along the edge of Central Park. Smiling gently, as he often does, he pricked an already yellowing leaf from a nearby tree. Instantly he identified it to me as a North American white oak, of the species Quercus alba.

Continuing our saunter in the direction of the museum, he spoke a bit on the subject of forestry and of conservation. Never one to preach or even cajole, Dirk Benedict instead told me of the beauty of Montana and as his words melted into the sweetest of poetry, I thought I saw half a tear form in the corner of his eye. Not a tear of sadness, but a simple illustration of how moved by beauty Dirk Benedict can be.

Tossing the leaf aside in his robustly casual manner, he began to sing a lovely song of the Old Country and we picked up our pace and bounded up the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. With his Diner’s Club card in hand, he of course offered to pay for my entrance fee, but I declined his ever-present chivalry, though he did smile and assist me as I struggled to clip the little orange pin to my lapel. We made our way right, toward the Egypt section. It’s been said that Egypt is the gift of the Nile. Well, I must add my own comment that enjoyment is the gift of Dirk Benedict’s company.

As we strode down each hall, he would point to various works of art and make their beauty and history come alive in his eloquence. Mere oils on canvas became living legends as Dirk Benedict explained their significance. His words brought alive the torture and pain of each artist’s soul. In the hall of armor, Dirk eyed each suit of glistening metal intently, as if he could look into the past and see the glory and pageantry of ages long gone. Breaking the rules, as independent spirits oft do, he patted one of the suits of armor, closed his eyes delicately and almost beneath a whisper, released the ancient soul to Valhalla.

Before we left, he made certain to pause by a portrait of George Washington, and as Dirk Benedict’s eyes met the portrait, he inhaled defiantly and then invoked the painting, with a simple wish that our nation never fail to live up to the standards and dreams of the Father of Our Country. For a moment, I turned, lest I interrupt this private tête-à-tête. But before I could even look away, Dirk came springing up behind me with a playful twinkle in his eye.
You see, Dirk Benedict had an idea and I couldn’t help but go along with him.

Leaving the museum he paused by the door to recycle our pins and then out into the sunlight we went, where, from a vendor’s cart, he procured a couple of ice cream sandwiches and we enjoyed their cool, creamy deliciousness all the way back to the train.

Dirk Benedict came over on Sunday, mid-afternoon. He didn’t take haste in coming, for our time together is leisurely. In answering his knock, I opened the door to find that dashing man upon my verandah. Standing tall and full of life, he sent vibrations near and far.

With bloody maries already at hand I invited him to sit. Oh did we wile away the time, sipping at our cocktails; discussing Aristophanes and macroeconomics. Dirk Benedict, I say, is a masterful economist. with command of theory, practical experience and a rapacious imagination. Later we happily switched to sangria.

I gently bade him enter now, for a fine repast I had awaiting. His eyes were twinkling as he dug right in. His mane is cherubic when he’s eating rye toast and fried ham, and almost laughing at his eggs benedict. Dirk Benedict enjoys that jape, no matter how many times it’s done.

The second-most exciting part of the day was the two hours we spent conducting laboratory experiments and litmi tests on diverse substances. We found the pH of meringue and also of toad secretions. Then we cobbled together from spare parts about the manor a function able Sterling Engine. It hummed and along with it did Dirk Benedict hum, that man who takes pride in his work.

Walking out into the orchard, we strolled between the apricot blossoms. His laugh is strong and hearty, coming from the shadow of his baseball cap. What elegance he displayed in discussing grafting! How often he could point to a sapling and expound upon its possibilities!

The most wondrous Dirk Benedict moment of the day was the minutes spent at my baby grand piano. Dirk Benedict displayed his talents, with Für Elise and The Moonlight Sonata. For that last he did not need an orchestra! His tenor timbre filled in all the accompanying symphonic parts with soft “das” and powerful “dums” and a “tinkle, tinkle, tinkle” of the string section. One could imagine Beethoven doing much the same thing, as both men, so similar in stature. His favorite part is when I sit at the stool to tickle the ivories while his wonderful pipes belt out such old favorites as “Rock of Ages” and “Nearer My God to Thee.”

The man does love a fine cigar, we shared Petróns on the verandah again and sipped armagnac in our chairs. Dirk Benedict opened my eyes to whole new worlds through theoretical physics. I had no idea! The worlds and universes, time and space, that brain of his ran on and on. He is a wistful man indeed, with eyes like spectacles.

Finally, though, Dirk Benedict had to leave and so I gave goodbye in joyful melancholy. From the fine, fine brunch, to the orchard stroll, we’d had a loving time together. Hoping hopes he returns quite soon, to share my humble manse with me. This is why I always say, Dirk Benedict is cool.