Though worshipped, praised and adored throughout the world, the God has always been a controversial figure. Partly this is due to the rigid attitudes of his followers, but also it is a simple truth that the job of God is probably one of the most difficult in the universe. It is perhaps telling that of the men who have held the position over the past 6,000 years, only one has ever sought reelection. So let us take a look at these men who, for all their foibles, flaws and brilliance, have helped shaped our history.
Elohim Cobb
(4005 BC-4003BC)
After winning a landslide election against Archangel Lucifer Barnes, Cobb ushered his creation or “Great Universe” policy through the Councils of Seraphim, promising “A clockwork Universe of remarkable beauty, full of every type of living thing, dwelling in harmony for the ages.” Though praised for his brilliantly intelligent biological designs and expert fine tuning of the physical constants, Cobb soon found his career ruined by the The Fall scandal and quickly resigned his office.
Yahweh “Pappa” Donnelly
(4002 BC-1906 BC)
Promising “Law and Order” after the failed Cobb Administration, Donnelly expelled the humans from Paradise and signed the still controversial Death and Suffering Acts. After the humans still failed to fall in line with administration policy, Donnelly declared Executive Order 21 which flooded the entire Earth, killing millions and championed the Human Dispersal Act after the building of the Tower of Babel. When critics decried that Donnelly’s policies were “too broad and heavy handed” he selected Abraham of Ur to found a Chosen People who would act as his ambassadors to Earth. Slow to reform, Donnelly returned to his heavy-handiness and the subsequent Sodom and Gomorrah scandal doomed his administration.
Adonai Brown
(1907 BC-1180BC)
Promising moderation in his policy toward the humans, Brown won a narrow victory against Donnelly and in his inaugural address pledged to avoid violence, punishments and destruction. Initially, his policies proved popular, but when the Chosen People ended up enslaved by the Egyptians, his poll numbers plummeted. Though Brown continued to watch over the Hebrews, many in Heaven worried that he would leave them in perpetual slavery.
Yahweh “Pappa” Donnelly
(1179 BC-586 BC)
With the Chosen People in captivity, the angels reelected Donnelly whose campaign had consistently attacked the Cobb Administration for “failing to provide for God’s Chosen People.” After a landslide victory, Donnelly chose Moses as his new prophet and quickly got to work bringing plagues and destruction upon Egypt. Denouncing Cobb’s complacency, Donnelly pushed through The Commandments Act and the Mitzvah Proclamations which placed the Chosen People under a rigid set of statutes and demanded death for any disobedience. After ordering conquest and genocide, Donnelly set up a kingdom for his Chosen People, but plummeted in popularity after The Chosen People suffered a devastating loss in their war against Babylon.
Charles Hashem
(585 BC-7BC)
Hashem appealed to moderate angels who had grown weary of Donnelly’s jealous, angry and vengeful behavior toward humanity. Elected on a non-interference policy, Hashem gained high approval early in his tenure by providing his chosen prophet Daniel with cryptic, rather than specific instructions. His popularity buoyed by Daniel’s work in Babylon, the restoration of the Chosen People to their old lands and the rebuilding of the temple, Hashem continued his policy of cryptic communication. Believing that humans had been led astray by Donnelly’s strict and specific guidelines, Hashem gave his prophets such as Daniel and later Isaiah, only confusing, confounding and mystic messages.
Jesus Jackson
(8 BC-32AD)
Jackson was elected on the basis of his bold and innovative strategy to cease Heaven-based operations in favor of living with the humans and dealing with them directly. While he had some initial success and his messages of love, understanding and forgiveness were popular, he resigned as God soon after his brutal execution at the hands of the humans. Returning to Heaven, he vowed to rework his policies and plan for a future reelection campaign.
Thomas Lamb
(33AD – 620AD)
After a narrow election against Jackson’s Vice-God, Archibald “Holy Spirit” Gnosis, Lamb returned operations to Heaven and finally cut ties with the Chosen People, choosing instead to create a new Papal-run Church as Heaven’s earthly ambassador. Veering away from his predecessors’ focus on the Chosen People, Lamb instead sought to reach out to all the people of Earth, but his Unification policy ran aground following the collapse of his chosen vehicle; the Roman Empire.
Allah Stevenson
(621AD – 1099AD)
Campaigning heavily against Lamb’s bureaucratic Roman Church policies, Stevenson was elected in a landslide on his “One God, One Prophet” platform. Upon election, Stevenson chose a new earthly embassador, Muhammed of Arabia and set about dictating a neovel Revelation to humanity in The Qu’ran. The popular book and its message helped bring about a renewed interest in Monotheism and soon spread throughout the known world. Critics of the Stevenson admistration protested that his One God policies were dividing the humans, an accusation which proved fatal to Stevenson’s position when the Lamb-based Roman Catholics began a holy war against Stevenson’s Muslim’s.
Richard Deity
(1100AD-1517AD)
With the human followers on Earth divided and engaged in cruel and ceaseless warfare against each other, the Deity campaign promised to unite humanity with “New Challenges for a New Day.” Deity’s theory was that by introducing new ideas and events, humanity would put aside their differences and be forced to unite to overcome the novel tests. When the creation of Vinland failed to catch on, Deity followed with the creation of two completely new Continents, but the “New World” program only increased the bloodshed. Deity’s other major challenge “The Black Death,” was a complete disaster which failed to unite humanity and instead simply left millions dead. When confronted with a further splintering of the human followers in 1517, Deity resigned, though his New World has proved a popular innovation.
Yahweh “Junior” Donnelly, Jr.
(1518AD – 1654 AD)
As the Catholic Church began to splinter, many in Heaven felt that previous Gods had been too lenient with the humans and too divided in their messages. Like his father, Donnelly, Jr. was a firm believer in a tough, no-nonsense Law and Order policy. As soon as he took office, Donnelly Jr. followed in his father’s footsteps by ordering the Catholic Church to unite the human followers by any means necessary; including torture, burnings, massacres and wars. Though Donnelly’s heavy-handed approach appealed to many human groups, in the end his policies failed to unite humanity and instead led only to a century and a half of war, cruelty and death. When, after three decades of brutal war, the Catholics had still failed to unite even Europe under one religious rule, Donnelly Jr., was forced to resign.
(1655AD – 1916AD)
Marcus Bailey Lord
A long-time protégé of creator Elohim Cobb, Lord came into office after vowing to work with humanity by encouraging exploration, engineering advancements, and scientific and medical discoveries. By weakening both the Catholic and Muslim camps, the Lord Administration hoped that the new, secular states would, through humanistic reason, achieve greater things than the divided religious empires championed by past administrations. While many angels praised his New Universe policies (including the Infinite Cosmos Act, the Atomic Act and the Cell Act), Lord’s popularity plummeted in 1914 when critics pointed out that all the new scientific achievements had led only to the creation of more destructive machines of death and weapons of war.
(1917AD – Present)
Ian Gott
Claiming that “humanity is the problem,” Gott was elected in a landslide victory with over 94% of the Archangel College. Gott’s Non-Interference Plan called for a complete lack of contact between Heaven and Earth, including a moratorium on revelations, miracles and divine inspiration. Though criticized for allowing some of the worst warfare and genocide in human history, Gott continues to maintain that humanity can only truly advance if they are allowed to grow up and be on their own. After claiming that humanity was a “rather bad idea that this administration inherited,” Gott has twice attempted to create a newer, better humanity, however, both his Alien Creation Bills have failed to pass.
