Recently, the editors of Axes & Alleys received a comunique from Philip Warner, the principal of Lithium Picnic Studios insinuating that his photographs of his beloved companion Apnea should not grace the pages of the World’s Greatest Tractor Related Publication. Thus, we were forced to replace several pictures due to his belief that Axes & Alleys wasn’t good enough for his lady-friend.
I hope you enjoyed wrapping fish in last month’s issue. With this month’s issue, you can start fires and defend against prion attack just by printing it out and using it to start a fire or defend against a prion attack. Seriously, it’s that easy. Just download it.
You can pick the picture we use for our Springuly 2005 cover! Below you will find three pictures of the babeliciously slutty Lindsay Lohan. Whichever hot pic’ gets the most votes will be the one we use for our Springuly cover. One of our lucky readers who votes will even be given the opportunity to write a letter which may appear in that very same issue.
or is it cover….
Once you’ve figured out which picture of Ms. Lohan you like best, just send in your vote to:
A&A Lindsay Lohan Contest
476 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Everyone loves a good excuse to dress up all slutty. Halloween’s as good an excuse as any, I guess. Of course, there are many problems with the usual sexy costumes.
Take for instance the sexy bee costume in the above picture. The reproductive life of the common European honeybee Apis mellifera is such that only a small portion of a hive population is involved in the mating act. The vast majority of bees are non-reproducing workers. Why would a worker need to look sexy? It can’t mate and hence does not need to display its sexual characteristics. Most awful is the fact that the sexy bee costume seems designed to accent the woman’s breasts. This is utterly silly; bees do not have mammary glands. So few people put thought into their costumes.
Sexy pirates, cops, firemen, gun molls, witches, vampires, and nurses are clichéd and hackneyed at best. This Halloween, as you celebrate the convergence of the netherworld with our plane of existence, why not try one of these sexy costumes:
And don’t forget that everyone loves a sexy Regional Development Coordinator or a slutty Information Technology Specialist.
Note: Watch out for razor blades in your trick-or-treat candy, and have a safe, fun Halloween.
You can rearrange the words in a phrase to spell new words. Perhaps this can reveal the truth about things. Who knows, lots of things are possible, even stupid things.
Dick Warren Armstrong
Be ware of war god, dude.
The United States of America
Where can we park, sir? My car eats.
San Francisco
Fun in fog sun
Cover the Marmalade in Zeppelins
Many put air ships on jam, a uncle rots
London, England
Long domination
World War Two
Lord, why win tower?
Wear your heart on your sleeve.
Show me my forgotten tomorrow
Axes and Alleys
Dean needs alleles
These fun phrases can be read forward and backwards. What fun you’ll have.
Aztec death means Spaniard yards grow hi-tech, dz.
Madam, there must be in the garden a loose madman.
A can, a tank, a lob the boy at a cantankerous canasta.
Forgive the parish priest, he said the purchased Parcheesi on the olive.
Wexans wait for the whitewash walls of taxaw.
Find the glove, Robert or the rowboat will turn, Ralf.
O! It rains folio!
Dennis and Otto sinned.
Birdman ate sparerib.